#SamGabeHSAU --

It's infuriating. Just absolutely maddening. Sam's in his room, Bon Jovi turned up damn loud (partly because it's expressing his anger well and partly because Dean hates Bon Jovi), staring at the ceiling, fists clutched around his bedsheets, running over in his head a million things he could have turned around and said if he'd had the presence of mind.

~Good? How can it be good? Dean, even if this were about me, don't you think I wouldn't want to hear you say that? If I were gay I wouldn't be able to help it. Don't tell me you still think like you're in the 18th century. I really thought more of you, Dean. I really did!~

Does this mean that Dean would stop being friends with Gabriel if Gabriel turns out to be gay? That thought turns Sam's stomach. He was so psyched when Dean and Gabriel started getting along after Dean spending weeks thinking Gabriel was a jerk. (Never mind that Gabriel actually was a jerk for most of those weeks.) What if Dean's an asshole about this? Sam has had plenty of times in his life when he thought he might never speak to his brother again. But this, this might really be the thing that tears it. If Dean is a jerk about Gabriel being gay... if Gabriel is gay... Sam really, honestly won't talk to him ever again.

It's funny, but Sam's anger is almost all for Gabriel's sake right now. He came to a tentative peace ages ago with the fact that he likes the way Gabriel looks, that he sometimes imagines Gabriel's touch when he's alone in bed with his hand down his pajama pants. It's easy to live with because it's not all there is to it. He likes Gabriel in so many different ways - as a friend, a partner in crime, a confidant - that liking him in this way really isn't all that important in the scheme of things.

It's slowly getting more important, though, in that creeping way these things tend to grow. And the idea that Gabriel could be gay -- that there might be something in their future besides just one-sided enjoyment -- it allows Sam to start to think about the possibility. And if Dean's not OK with that, Sam doesn't know what he'll do. Because he doesn't know how to stop these feelings now that they've started, and he feels like he's been given a warning. Now that the brakes are out, it's time to stop this runaway train.

And Sam just doesn't want to.

The phone rings. Mom's voice calls upstairs that it's for Sam. He grumbles over to the desk to pick it up.

"Sam?"

It's Jess. And she can tell within Sam's "Oh, hi" that he's in a bad mood. "What is it?"

"Huh? Nothing."

"Sure it's nothing."

"It's nothing. Dean said something that pissed me off."

"Sure." She ponders asking further and decides against it. "It's been a long time."

"Yeah." Great, this is just what he needs, more regret on top of his anger.

"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you. It's just been weird. But, you know. I still want to be friends with you."

"It's OK." He's quick to say it, although right now the little worm of anger in his stomach doesn't want to be friendly to anyone. "It's really OK, Jess."

"Look," she goes on. "Sarah called me, and she said you were asking about Gabriel."

"I never said it was about Gabriel!" He flushes. "They told you that, didn't they? That it was about Gabriel? You guys are jealous because I have a friend who's a guy."

"Sam, that's not fair!"

"It is. You guys were laughing at me!" He knows it's bull, but he's angry and feeling even worse that he's done nothing but drag Jess through the mud and now she has to be there again when he's mad and this is all so stupid!

Her voice shifts into that lecture mode. "You know what your problem is, Sam? You don't listen. You talk, and you think you know what people are gonna say back, but you don't really listen to the answer."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means, instead of freaking out over it to the rest of us, why don't you go ask Gabriel? He's your friend, right? And maybe instead of assuming we are laughing at you, why don't you ask us why? I thought you knew us better than that. Jeez."

She sounds huffy and put-out and Sam feels like a heel. "Jess, I'm sorry."

"Sam." Her voice is muted and soft and kind. "Just.. figure yourself out, would you? It's kinda hard on us when you're this lost. We...." She corrects herself. "I miss my friend."

"I miss you too," he admits. "I just wish I knew what it was I was trying to figure out."

"Ask some questions," she says again. "And listen to the answers."

Sam figures he will.

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