#SamGabeHSAU -
Something to Talk About,
Nobody to Talk To
By Sam Winchester
Sex is on the average adolescent's mind over half his or her waking hours. That's what a study out of the University of Virginia says, but chances are most adolescents also think they're the only one who thinks about it that often. If that's you, you're not alone - twelve of the twenty-five students I talked to in preparation for this article said they thought about sex more often than the majority of their classmates. In fact, that's the one common thread I found in all the interviews I did -- everyone seemed to feel that, in some way, he or she was completely alone.
"It's not a surprise when you think about it," says sophomore Jessica Moore. "I have the most open-minded, liberal parents there are, but when I ask a question they're not expecting, they give me a weird answer and look really uncomfortable. We're taught that this subject should make you squirm, so even if you're well-informed, you don't want to raise the topic."
Moore isn't the only one to feel this way. A freshman who asked to remain anonymous told me that when he asked his mother about masturbation, she said it was something he'd have to deal with on his own. "She said to me that even if you did it, you didn't talk about it," the freshman says. "It made me feel like I'd done something wrong by even bringing it up. And I didn't even know what I was asking. I saw the word in a book. I had no idea what it meant."
Most students I spoke to said their parents had told them "the facts of life." Many said they were even told to use protection or to tell their parents if they became pregnant. What was missing, for most, was any talk about the realities of sex - peer pressure, what it's like, what to expect.
"All I knew about sex was what I saw in movies. All that screaming and hair-tossing. But that's not at all what it was like. I wish someone had warned me before I spent ten minutes in the back seat of a car, trying desperately to feel something," said a senior girl who asked not to be named. "Honestly, I'd rather eat chocolate."
Questions of sexual identity are also rampant. Junior Meg Masters said she "always felt like a bitch" for dumping guys. "And it took me a while to figure out I just didn't like them, in general. I still don't know just what I am, but I know it's not a bitch."
Another junior told me, "I'm worried that now that I've slept with one guy, anyone I date will expect it. And I don't want to, not yet, anyway. I swear I'm the only one who feels that way, and it sucks."
I can now happily tell that junior: No, you're not.
So where can students with questions turn? Believe it or not, resources are available. (See the top of this page for a list of places to go in school, in the community and on the Web.) And I'm happy to announce one more resource: an anonymous advice column starting in next week's paper. Submit your question to the Ask Leo box in Mr. Turner's room, or e-mail AskLeo@lawrencehs.lawrence.city.ks.us. All identities will be kept secret.