SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
5th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Monday 3rd December 2012:
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Joke # 1
Donkey #1
http://bit.ly/bUZ57s
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Joke # 2
A good girl keeps her eye on the clock; a bad girl keeps her eye on the calendar
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Joke # 3
My little friend
A man brought his date back to his apartment, ripped both their clothes off and then said, "I'd like you to meet my little friend."
The woman took a look, gathered her clothes and said, "Call me when he grows up."
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Joke # 4
Q: Why is it hard for basketball players to be neat?
A: Because they dribble so much.
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Joke # 5
Older couple
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
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Joke # 6
Hiking in the woods
Two women are hiking in the woods. After an hour or so, they come to a stream. Unable to cross, they decide to walk along the stream and look for a narrower place. Fortunately they come to an old bridge spanning the stream.
Deciding the bridge is safe, the two women proceed to cross. Halfway across, one woman stops and says to the other,
"You know, I've always wanted to be like the guys, and pee off a bridge."
The other woman looks around and says, "Well, I don't see anyone around, now's your chance!"
The first woman drops her hiking shorts and backs over to the side of the bridge. As she begins to urinate, she looks over her shoulder.
"Holy shit!" she exclaims, "I just pissed in a canoe!"
Alarmed, the second woman hurries over and peeks at the stream.
"Calm down," she says. "That wasn't a canoe you pissed in, it was just your reflection."
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Joke # 7
Church organist
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'
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Joke # 8
Q: How do you get cool music?
A: Put your CDs in the fridge!
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Joke # 9
HIV Test
Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age.
The old man said, "Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!"
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Joke # 10
Grandmother
The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear," she asked.
The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the fucking walls if you came to visit us again."
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Joke # 11
Therapy
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."
"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.
"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."
"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."
The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.
"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."
"So, what's your problem?"
"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."
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Joke # 12
Q: What's the difference between a Blues musician and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Motivational Posters 50
http://bit.ly/ldB9xL
A Texas Traffic Stop
http://bit.ly/h9pneS
Winter Blues
http://bit.ly/g8J1fZ
Art With Fingers
http://bit.ly/9ZQeZY
Why Men Cant Play Football With Women
http://bit.ly/humrLI
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Crossing Guard
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Look At My New Dog
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Two Guys One Flute
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Awesome US Fire Power
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Nokia Mobile Phone Video Services
http://bit.ly/bzj6Xv
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
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2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
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A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
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