SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
5th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Tuesday 4th December 2012:
SydesJokes Home Page
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html
XeeMe (My Social Media Presence)
http://XeeMe.com/SydesJokes
SydesJokes Twitter - Over 143,200 followers!
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes
SydesJokes Blog - Over 2,500 postings!
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
SydesJokes Flickr Photostream (Over 2,000 photos)
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/
SydesJokes Empire Avenue
http://empireavenue.com/SydesJokes
SydesJokes Yahoo Group List
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SydesJokes/
Subscribe to this group
SydesJokes-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe from this group
SydesJokes-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
http://bit.ly/vPVAQi
Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
http://bit.ly/tx8Vvq
Christmas Stocking Fillers
http://bit.ly/t1nCJD
More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 1
Elves Lottery
http://bit.ly/axGneP
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 2
Confucius: Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 3
Waitress
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"
"Why, it's bean soup," she replied.
"I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 4
Q: Why are men like dolphins?
A: They say they are extremely intelligent but no one can prove it.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 5
Young clergyman
A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months.
He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency.
Among other questions he was asked, "What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?"
He thought for a moment and then said, "I would pass a collection plate."
He got the job.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 6
Little boy
There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked, he asked his mother what was the hair in between her legs?
She responded, "It's my washcloth".
Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again, but while she was in the hospital the doctor shaved her pubic hair, and the boy asked his mother:
"What happened to your washcloth?"
The mother responded, "I lost it".
The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother's washcloth. A few days later the little boy went running to his mother yelling and screaming,
"I found your washcloth!"
The mother thinking that the child was just playing went along with the boy and asked,
"Where did you find it?"
The boy answered, "The maid has it and she's washing daddy's face with it."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 7
Polish
The Polish were upset because of their bad reputation. A group of them got together and approached a conference of Americans, Germans, and Japanese and asked for help on this matter.
An American replied, "You must do something so the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology and the Germans are known for their resourcefulness. We Americans have had respect since we helped win the World War against the other two. See, you need to do something world-famous."
A German added, "Yes, he's right. Why don't you find a place in this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build, build it, come back to us, and we will help publicize it."
With that, the Polish set off to build their bridge. They designed it and worked six months and finally completed it. They then went back to report it to the group. The bridge was a beautiful bridge but it had one flaw: it was erected in the middle of the Sahara Desert.
An American said, "No, no. See, that is why you have your reputation. There is no need for a bridge in the middle of the desert. Now go and dismantle it, and find a more strategic spot to erect it."
The Polish returned to the conference in two weeks. One of the Japanese said, "Two weeks! It only took you two weeks to dismantle that bridge and build a new one??? That is amazing!!"
To which a Polish man replied, "Well, not exactly. When we returned to the bridge we couldn't dismantle it because there were all these Italians fishing off it."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 8
Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 8 9
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 9
Golfer
A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets through the trees and into the next fairway narrowly missing another golfer.
When the first golfer gets to his ball he is greeted by his unintended victim who angrily tells him of the near miss.
"I'm sorry, I didn't have time to yell fore," says the first golfer.
"That's funny" replies the second, "you had plenty of time to yell 'SHIT!'"
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 10
Password
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed:
P...E...N...I...S
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied **** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 11
Prince Charming
Prince Charming walks into a tavern appearing downtrodden. Immediately, the bartender turns to him and asks why he's so glum.
"You wouldn't believe it," he replies. "I was walking through the Enchanted Forest, when suddenly I approached Snow White fast asleep on a bed of stone. The dwarf next to her tells me that she ate a poisonous apple and could only be revived through a kiss from my very lips.
I gave her a peck on the cheek. Nothing. So I give her a real deep kiss while massaging her hair with my fingers. Nothing. Soon enough, I'm making passionate love to her right there in the woods when suddenly, she screams out, 'Ah, Yes, YES'!"
"That's great!" the bartender excitedly replies. "Then she's alive!"
Shrugging his shoulders Prince Charming says, "Nah. She faked it."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 12
Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So he wouldn't wake the sleeping pills.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
SydesJokes Blog Posts
Motivational Posters 19
http://bit.ly/hZ9bnQ
Something Wrong
http://bit.ly/fZxxrC
Knowledge of Fishing #14
http://bit.ly/bhOsc9
Leaving Work Early
http://bit.ly/cqJn7E
Priceless 7
http://bit.ly/lQ4Dnk
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
SydesJokes Video Clips
Jugs For Christmas
http://bit.ly/9c6f4c
Red Riding Hood
http://bit.ly/byp74a
Dumb Blonde
http://bit.ly/a7YFLh
Condom Plant
http://bit.ly/cJevF6
No Whoppers
http://bit.ly/9AN59E
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Advertisement
3D Polarized Glasses - Black
http://bit.ly/p1nTYX
Condiment Gun
http://bit.ly/rtDssq
Mini Remote Control Tanks
http://bit.ly/pSeDI0
Rhythm Sticks
http://bit.ly/pV2SWO
Arcade Alarm Clock
http://bit.ly/mTyhNv
More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-