SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
5th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Wednesday 5th December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
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Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
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Christmas Stocking Fillers
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More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
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Joke # 1
Quotes #4
http://bit.ly/bOX9D2
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Joke # 2
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
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Joke # 3
Hijack
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and bad news.
The bad news is that we have a hijacker on board. he good news is, he wants to go to the French Riviera."
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Joke # 4
Q: How's the recovery from knee replacement surgery going?
A: Well, I stand corrected.
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Joke # 5
Confessional box
A guy goes into the confessional box. He finds on one wall a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in.
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a long time since I've been to confession, but I must first say that the confessional box is much more inviting these days."
The priest replies, "Get out! You're on my side!!!"
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Joke # 6
Who is ther Father?
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer can not take that all that away. But... I must know, did he have a different father?"
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks,"Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then,finally, she says, "You."
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Joke # 7
Speech impediment
A man with a speech impediment goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen. The man with the speech problem quickly turns his attention to the merchandise and asks, "Ess-tues me, sir?"
"Yes?" replies the clerk.
"Tould you tale me how mutsh your pisstasheos arr?"
"Pistachio's? They're $9 a pound."
"SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing and then asks, "Welp, how mutsh arr your aahhmons?"
"Almonds? They're $11.50 a pound."
"SSIT! tas pensive," replies the tongue-tied man.
"Welp, how bout your pikanns?"
"Pecans? They're on sale today, they're only $14.50 a pound."
"Welp, Ssit. Just div me a pound of dose dhen."
"All right then," says the clerk as he bags up a pound of pecans.
Then the man says to the clerk, "Sirr, I just wanna thay tank you fo not making fun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't hep it."
The clerk replies with a smile. "Oh sir, you don't have to thank me for that I don't make fun of anybody. I don't know if you noticed but I have a rather large nose."
The man replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz your pecker since your nuts are so high!"
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Joke # 8
Q: Why do men do odd jobs around the house?
A: If they do it, it's odd!
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Joke # 9
Fasten Seat Belt
Passenger to flight attendant: "I noticed that the 'Fasten Seat Belt' sign was kept lit during the entire flight even though the flight itself was particularly smooth."
Flight attendant: "Well ... up front there are 17 women going back to college after spring break. In the back, there are 25 Navy enlistees. What would you do?"
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Joke # 10
Superman
Two women were having coffee, when one said, "I used to call my ex 'Superman' when we were in bed."
The second commented, "How flattering!" to which the first replied, "Not really! I meant that he was faster than a speeding bullet."
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Joke # 11
Extremely liberal
Sandy and John were an extremely liberal, though not especially bright, white couple. Wanting to begin a family, they decided they wanted to have a black baby, and set to work.
Nine months later, the fruits of their labor was born: a lovely white girl.
Pleased but disappointed, John decided to ask a black man at work why they hadn't parented a black baby.
Realizing that John was somewhat sluggish, the fellow took him aside and asked, "Is your wanker at least a foot long?"
John had to admit that it was not.
"And is it at least four inches wide?"
Once more John replied in the negative.
"Well, man, there's your problem!" the guy slapped him on the back. "You let in too much light!"
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Joke # 12
Q: What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
A: God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Fooling Around
http://bit.ly/kkmfgd
Autopsy Lesson
http://bit.ly/h4KvB1
Priceless 17
http://bit.ly/mbRJKm
Motivational Posters 55
http://bit.ly/lonFb2
Motivational Posters 57
http://bit.ly/l6WxTo
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Get Out of my Car
http://bit.ly/aWHyLz
Microsofts Second Commercial With Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gate
http://bit.ly/9po6yn
Coolest Way To Get Into Your Car
http://bit.ly/cl3EKz
Typical Traffic Stop in Texas
http://bit.ly/98w7wQ
Perfect Commercial
http://bit.ly/aKDufU
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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