SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
6th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Thursday 6th December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
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Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
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Christmas Stocking Fillers
http://bit.ly/t1nCJD
More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
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Joke # 1
Rudolf the Redneck Reindeer
http://bit.ly/bjoJ9y
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Joke # 2
A half-truth is usually less than half of that.
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Joke # 3
Gang-member
A gang-member was holding his 8-month-old baby while his wife was in kitchen fixing lunch.
The baby murmured "mother".
The guy gets all excited and hollered to his wife, "Hey, the baby just said half a word!"
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Joke # 4
Q: What is the difference between frustration and panic?
A: Frustration is the first time you discover you can't do it the second time. Panic is the second time you discover you can't do it the first time.
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Joke # 5
Sheik
When the Sheiks' oil fields dried up, he realized he would have to cut back on expenses quickly. As much as he hated to, he knew he would have to give-up most of his harem. He decided to find out which ones performed best in all aspects of sex and retain just those few.
Night after night the "contest" was held. Then one of the younger girls performed such outstanding oral sex on him, he knew she was one of the chosen. "Tell me," he said, "what is the secret of your fabulous technique."
"What I did, Oh Sovereign of the Sands, was to suck on ice cubes prior to our session." replied the girl. "You see, my Mother told me that in most cases, the cooler head always prevails."
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Joke # 6
Medical students
Three medical students were discussing what specialties they were planning to go into when they finished school.
One said, "I want to be a brain surgeon. That's the frontier, the cutting edge of medicine, where so many discoveries are being made."
The second said, "I want to be a heart surgeon. There are so many people who need that kind of help; look at all the good I could do."
The third said he wanted to be a dermatologist. When the others had finished laughing, they asked him why on earth he wanted to be a skin doctor.
"Listen," he replied. "Your patients never die, they never get well, and they never get you up at night."
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Joke # 7
Bar Translations
"Can I get a glass of white sweet wine." (male) I'm gay.
"Ever try a body shot?" (male to female) I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.
"Ever try a body shot?" (female to male) If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?
"I don't feel well, let's go home." (female) You are paying more attention to your friends than me.
"I don't feel well, let's go home." (male) I'm horny.
"I've had like 10 beers already."
I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.
"Who's got the next round?"
I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.
"Excuse me." (male to male)
Get the f%ck out of the way.
"Excuse me." (male to female)
I am going to grope you now.
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Joke # 8
Q: How can a guy cope during his wife's menopause?
A: By staying busy. If you're mechanically inclined, you can remodel the garage. When you are finished you will have a flat in which to live.
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Joke # 9
Sexual Revolution
Two men were talking. "My grandson asked me what I did during the Sexual Revolution," said one.
"And what did you tell him?" asked the other.
"I told him I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes."
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Joke # 10
Evening class
A young woman went to an evening class to improve her sexual capabilities. When she gets there, she sees an apple, an orange and a pear hanging on strings from the ceiling, and a piece of chalk and a black-board. "What is all this for?" she asked.
The instructor tells her to stand between the hanging fruit, and she does. "Now," said the instructor, "swing your hips to the left and touch the apple, now swing your hips to the right and touch the pear, then swing your hips forward and touch the orange." The young woman starts to rotate her hips, and soon gets a good rhythm going. "This is great," she said enthusiastically "but what is the chalk for?"
"When you've got the hang of the fruit," said the instructor, "I want you to stick the chalk up your ass and write `Mississippi' on the black-board twenty times."
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Joke # 11
Body hurts
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
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Joke # 12
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Screw Anybody
http://bit.ly/emJVAV
Say it with Flowers
http://bit.ly/enL6VW
Billboards you will never see #5
http://bit.ly/cWugBg
Motivational Posters 40
http://bit.ly/jZpWk9
Oxymorons
http://bit.ly/eHC0O0
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Dry Retreiver
http://bit.ly/9YJnl9
Verizon Commercial
http://bit.ly/cgEr6l
Mouse Agility Course
http://bit.ly/bsQ5Cb
Toilet Trained Dog
http://bit.ly/9DKQHw
Nintendo Wii Console
http://bit.ly/bMzSrk
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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