SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
9th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Sunday 9th December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
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Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
http://bit.ly/tx8Vvq
Christmas Stocking Fillers
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More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
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Joke # 1
Wire Cutters
http://bit.ly/bwt2Y1
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Joke # 2
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years ... just getting over the hill.
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Joke # 3
Trivial Pursuit
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
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Joke # 4
Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The location of the dirt bag.
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Joke # 5
Pregnant
Little Pauly, age 4, was visiting one of his aunties when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick. His little face scrunched and said, "How does the baby get out of there?"
She wanted to keep it simple, so she said, "The doctor will help."
Pauly's eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, "You've got a DOCTOR in there, too?"
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Joke # 6
Louisiana State Police
The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cockfights being held in the area around Crowley, and duly dispatched the infamous detective Boudreaux to investigate.
He reported to his sergeant the next morning.
"Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin'" he began.
"Good work. Who are they?" the sergeant asked.
Boudreaux replied confidently, "De Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."
Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How did you find that out in one night?"
"Well," he replied, "I went down and done seen dat cock fight.
I knowed the Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight."
The sergeant nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"
Boudreaux intoned knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on de duck."
"Ah," sighed the sergeant, "And how did you deduce the Mafia was involved?"
"De duck won."
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Joke # 7
Irishman
An Irishman was in the South of France, and could not understand why his friend Pierre had attracted all the girls at the beach while he had pulled nothing.
So he asked Pierre, "Why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?"
Pierre said, "It's because I wear a Speedo bathing suit. The women, they love to see a man in a Speedo."
So the Irishman buys a Speedo and tosses his baggy shorts in the garbage. He struts up and down the beach but still he has no luck attracting any women.
He finds Pierre again and asks for his advice.
Pierre, taking a look at Paddy in his Speedo says, "Take a potato, tuck it in your Speedo, it drives the women wild."
So the Irishman stuffed a potato in his Speedo and paraded up and the beach once again.
Many hours later, still no woman. So the Irishman went to see Pierre again and said, "I've tried the Speedo bathing suit, I've tried the potato but it doesn't work".
Pierre looked at the Irishman and said "You might want to try putting the potato in the front"
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Joke # 8
Q: How do you get a woman off during sex?
A: Push her.
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Joke # 9
Call girl
The call girl confided to her friend, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to give up analysis."
"But why? Isn't Dr. Greene helping you?"
"Yes, a lot," the call girl agreed. "Problem is, I just can't get used to lying down for a guy and then having then having to pay HIM."
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Joke # 10
Essex girl
An Essex girl (blonde) is crossing the road, when she gets hit by an XR3. As she is lying on the ground, the driver, Dave, rushes out of the car to see if she is alright.
"I'm so sorry luv! I just didn't see ya. Are ya OK?" he blurts out.
"Everyfink is just a blur, I can't see a fing" she says, tearfully.
Concerned, the man leans over the woman to test her eyesight.
He asks, "How many fingers have I got up?"
"Ah f#ckin' 'ell NO!" she screams. "Don't tell me I'm paralyzed from the waist down an all!!!"
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Joke # 11
Golf
An American guy travels to Japan on business. After 3 days of intense meetings, he's exhausted.
After work he decides to go out and get some dinner, and maybe have a few drinks. Well, after a few beers and some saki, he's feeling a little horny. He decides to go down the street to a geisha bar. After a few more drinks he hires one of the women to go back to his hotel for some action.
They go back, begin to fool around, and eventually end up on the bed. As they start to have sex, she begins moaning . . . then screaming. As she catches her breath, she begins shouting, "Shin-Wa! Shin-Wa!"
The guy doesn't speak any Japanese, but is having the best sex of his life, and he's pretty proud of himself for giving the Geisha such a great time. After they're done, he pays her, and she leaves, barely able to walk out of the room.
The next day, the businessman has to play golf with the CEO of the Japanese company he had been meeting with. Everything goes great . . . they get to the 18th hole, and the CEO has a 40 ft. putt to make par, and have the best round of his life. He takes his time, lines it up, and sinks it!
The American is so thrilled, he decides to impress the CEO with the Japanese he's learned and starts shouting, "Shin-Wa! Shin-Wa!"
The CEO turns to him and says, "What do mean, wrong hole?"
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Joke # 12
Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A: No, they had an apple.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
I Fought For You By Sound Tank
http://bit.ly/aFmC3v
Sall Town Prosecuting Attorney
http://bit.ly/gB4wd4
Japan Earthquake/Tsunami - Before & After #2
http://bit.ly/gvaSc4
Empty Roll
http://bit.ly/gycqhN
How to speak about Women and be "Politically Correct"
http://bit.ly/azCZil
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Landing a Helicopter on a Ship in High Seas
http://bit.ly/qZTeax
Japanese Fanta Advert
http://bit.ly/dyDC1e
When Email Doesnt Work
http://bit.ly/9jQb0Y
Curly
http://bit.ly/cOHwsN
F15 Accident
http://bit.ly/9DOnrS
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Talking Apple Clock
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