SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
10th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Monday 10th December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
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Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
http://bit.ly/tx8Vvq
Christmas Stocking Fillers
http://bit.ly/t1nCJD
More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
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Joke # 1
Union Negotiator
http://bit.ly/amQUoY
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Joke # 2
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
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Joke # 3
You know you're kinky when...
- You've got a toy chest bigger than the one in your 6 year old son's room.
- Your children ask if they can borrow your "costumes" for Halloween.
- Your body piercings set off the metal detectors at the court house.
- You become a locksmith to avoid having to make embarrassing calls at 2
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Joke # 4
Q: What do you call a woman that does everything you want in bed?
A: Your girlfriend - just don't tell your wife.
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Joke # 5
Little Johnny
One day, when Little Johnny was about 6 years old, he and his father went to look at some puppies. When he came home, he ran up to his mom and informed her that there were four puppies. 3 were boys and 1 was a girl.
His mother was impressed and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. "Well," says Little Johnny "The girl was brown colored, but all the boys were black."
"Yes, dear, but how did the color tell you if they were male or female?" asked his mother.
Exasperated, Little Johnny retorted, "The color doesn't tell you, stupid, the black ones had cocks."
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Joke # 6
Wooden
One day, Pinocchio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and wooden boys do. As they were cuddling later, Pinocchio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend. So, he asked her, "What's the matter, baby?"
Pinocchio's girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, "You're probably the best guy I've ever met, but every time we make love you give me splinters."
This remark bothered Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he went to seek some advice form his creator, Gepetto. When Pinocchio arrived, Gepetto could tell something was bothering Pinocchio, and asked him what was the matter. Pinocchio revealed his dilemma to Gepetto.
Gepetto searched up and down for a solution. Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be able to "smooth" out Pinocchio's relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchio graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way.
Gepetto had not heard from Pinocchio for a while and therefore assumed that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinocchio's problems. A couple weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinocchio. When he saw Pinocchio buying all the packs of sandpaper the store had in stock, Gepetto remarked,
"So, Pinocchio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls, eh?" and Pinocchio replied:
"Girls? Who needs girls?!!!?!"
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Joke # 7
Puppies
This man, his wife and their Border Collie, Maisy were out for a drive in the country one afternoon in their new convertible, with the top down. The husband and wife were enjoying the scenery as they drove along.
While unbeknownst to them, Maisy gave birth to seven puppies while laying on the back seat of the automobile. The couple continued to drive along, unaware of the new arrivals. Soon the road began to deteriorate and was beginning to become quite rough. Suddenly, the car ran over a deep pothole in the road, and one of Maisy's puppies bounced up and out of the car, landing on the roadway just in front of a police car that had been following the man and his wife.
The police officer switched on his lights and siren, and soon had the couple pulled over to the side of the road.
"What are you pulling me over for?" queried the startled driver.
The officer responded, "I pulled you over for creating a 'Road Hazard', for other drivers!"
"What hazard?" Asked the man.
"A puppy bounced out of your car and put myself, and several other drivers at risk, trying to avoid hitting it."
"Now your Drivers License and Proof of Insurance, please. Thank you Sir... And the 'Bitches' name, Sir". ...
"Hey! How dare you call my wife a bitch!
"Sir, I was referring to the dog!"
"Oh... Her name is Maisy."
"What do you want her name for, officer?"
"Well Sir, after I write your ticket for 'Endangering Vehicular Traffic', and I am going to cite your dog, Maisy, for Littering!"
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Joke # 8
Q: Have you heard about the uncircumcised troll?
A: His name was Rumpled Foreskin
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Joke # 9
Real estate salesman
A real estate salesman has just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he has sold is completely under water. "That customer is going to come back here pretty mad," he says to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"
"Money back?" the boss roars. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat!"
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Joke # 10
Free sex
A guy and several of his buddies used to frequent a certain restaurant. The food was always good, but the waitress always looked and sounded very sour. One evening, one of the friends was feeling rather good, and jokingly asked the waitress when she came to take their orders, "Do you believe in free sex?"
The waitress huffed up and yelled at him, "I certainly do NOT!"
"Soooo," asked they guy, "what do you charge?"
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Joke # 11
Watch
A young Jew and an old Jew are riding on a bus in Jerusalem.
The young Jew asks, "Excuse me, sir, what time is it?"
The old Jew doesn't answer.
"Excuse me, sir," the young Jew asks again, "what time is it?"
The old Jew looks up him, but still doesn't answer.
The young Jew is puzzled, "Sir, forgive me for interrupting you all the time, but I really want to know what time it is. Why won't you answer me?"
The old Jew turns toward the young man and says, "Son, the next stop is the last on this route. I don't know you, so you must be a stranger to this land. If I answer you now, according to Jewish tradition, I must invite you to my home. You're handsome and I have a beautiful daughter. You would fall in love with her and you'd want to get married. And tell me, why would I want a son-in-law who can't even afford a fucking watch?"
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Joke # 12
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Top Ten Russian Jokes
http://bit.ly/dubCGR
Classic Rock
http://bit.ly/eYlpcd
Priceless 5
http://bit.ly/jk7DId
Knowledge of Fishing #3
http://bit.ly/bAWklm
Motivational Posters 4
http://bit.ly/erhj0T
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
A Little Boy and His Dog
http://bit.ly/94vcVM
Slurping
http://bit.ly/a0iE2u
Swimmig With a Frisky Dlophin
http://bit.ly/eh3bqq
Goal
http://bit.ly/96rpv0
Got the Whole World in His Hands
http://bit.ly/9YD2Eg
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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