SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
15th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Wednesday 12th December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
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My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
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Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
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Christmas Stocking Fillers
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More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
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Joke # 1
Tooth
http://bit.ly/bMjNuM
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Joke # 2
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
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Joke # 3
Morning coffee
Rosey and Nina were sitting together sharing their morning coffee.
Rosey said to Nina, "Living with my husband is like playing checkers."
"How so?" asks Nina.
Rosey replies, "Every time I make a move, he jumps me."
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Joke # 4
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
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Joke # 5
Slip
A man was sitting on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him noticed and asked what the was the matter.
He said that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh.
The man next to him laughed and said, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidentally said, 'You f***ing bitch, you ruined my life.'"
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Joke # 6
Lonely lighthouse
The two men stood on the lonely lighthouse. Through the fog they could see a small boat making its way toward them, with a lonely occupant. Suddenly a squall lifted the craft and tossed the man into the water!
They sprang into action.
Hurriedly they launched their own craft and fought their way through perilous and treacherous waters to reach the man. At last they got him aboard.
"It's a good thing you rescued me," the dripping man said gratefully. "I was coming out to see you about your income taxes."
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Joke # 7
Sunday Mass
Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after
Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."
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Joke # 8
Q: How can you tell if a pig is in heat?
A: She buys the first two rounds.
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Joke # 9
Recession
Recession is when your neighbor loses his job.
"Depression" is when you lose yours.
"Recovery" is when Obama loses his.
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Joke # 10
Preacher
A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgment Day and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could.
"Oh, my friends," he intoned, "imagine the suffering of the inners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!"
At this point, one of the elders of the congregation inter- rupted to say, "But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?"
The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, "My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured... teeth will be provided!"
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Joke # 11
Dark night
The night was dark when two men came up to the run-down cabin in Southern Georgia and kicked against the door.
"Say, you all right, C.Lee?" said Jud. " We found a body by the creek, and we kinda thought it might be you."
"What'd the fella look like?" asked C.Lee.
"Sorta like you, C.Lee. A no-account."
"Have on shoes?"
"Yep."
"Overalls?"
"Yep."
"Shirt?"
"Yep."
"Was he shaved?"
"Seems like he were."
"Twarn't me, then."
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Joke # 12
Q: Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A: Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Motivational Posters 76
http://bit.ly/iUVtMv
Motivational Posters 56
http://bit.ly/msfeAQ
Motivational Posters 61
http://bit.ly/myKhD0
Southern Drawl Words Translated
http://bit.ly/bORDYF
Benefit Of Boobs
http://bit.ly/h53efE
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
I Want Milk
http://bit.ly/9vmMEL
How Not To Impress A Woman
http://bit.ly/dbsjhm
Car Alarm System
http://bit.ly/b2GFTE
Get Your Head Out of the Gutter
http://bit.ly/bW71Dt
Amazing Bird
http://bit.ly/aG4NOE
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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