SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
15th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Thursday 13th December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
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Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
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Christmas Stocking Fillers
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More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
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Joke # 1
Muslim Pussy
http://bit.ly/aU6Ps3
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Joke # 2
Homeless Guy Signs #9 "Sorry, I'm blind. Can I feel your tits?"
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Joke # 3
Pay landlord
"That jerk of a husband of mine wanted me to bang the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the housewife told a neighbor. "You didn't do it, did you? "
"Yes, I did, but I also didn't tell him that now the rent is paid up for six months. When he gives me the money to pay the rent, I go shopping."
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Joke # 4
Q: What Is A Gay Seven Course Dinner?
A: Seven Inches, Seven Ways.
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Joke # 5
Scottish
One cold December day, a French tourist in Scotland decided to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard. He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself at the hearth. Once inside the house, he complained of being thirsty. The woman handed him an enormous white crockery mug filled with milk. After taking a big swig, the guest exclaimed, "This is sweet and fresh ... you are most generous!" She replied modestly, "It's nothing. My family wouldn't drink that milk because we found a dead rat in it." Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over his mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and shatter on the stone floor.
The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air, brought it down on the visitor's head, and hollered, "Get out, you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my fire, I give you milk to drink ... and now you repay my kindness by breaking the children's potty chair!"
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Joke # 6
Pious man
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him.
He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"
The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must have forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
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Joke # 7
3 times married
A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day And told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her Fourth wedding.
'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type And color dress are you looking for?'
The bride to be said, 'A long, frilly, white dress with a veil.'
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time, for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean. Perhaps ivory or Sky blue would be nice.'
'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. 'Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as Innocent as a first-time bride. 'You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he Died as we were checking into our hotel.
'My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the Limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'
'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.
'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for our years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it Was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'
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Joke # 8
Q: Why won't people ever go to the moon for their vacation?
A: Because it lacks atmosphere.
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Joke # 9
Engagement ring
"But this isn't an engagement ring." the young lady protested. "Why it's just a tiny unset diamond."
"Yeah ! I know." said the fellow, "And, it'll be mounted in a cluster around a big one, the very day after you are
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Joke # 10
Tarzan
Tarzan and his new homosexual lover, Homo-boy (Jane left him and returned to England) are traveling through the jungle when they are suddenly attacked by a troop of savage Baboons. In the ensuing fight they get separated. As Tarzan fights some of the attackers off, his cowardly homosexual lover clings gingerly to a thin tree branch, barely out of reach of the rest of the savage, attacking Baboons.
After Tarzan has vanquished those Baboons confronting him, he turns just in time to see his new lover's tree branch begin to break. Thinking quickly, Tarzan leaps for a vine and swings precariously towards his newfound sweetheart, Homo-boy. As he nears him, Tarzan yells, "Grab the vine, Homo-boy, grab the vine!"
Homo-boy, reaches out as Tarzan swings by... Homo-boy makes a quick grab.
Suddenly, Tarzan screams, "Aaiiieeeeeeeee!" "I SAID THE VINE DAMMIT, THE VINE!"
From that day forth, Tarzan was the best-hung male in the jungle...
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Joke # 11
Newly born sperm
The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor. "As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?"
The sperm nodded affirmatively.
Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes immediately and runs to the tunnel. A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows he has to arrive first. When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm. He is able to swim at a slower pace but does approach the red, sticky ball.
When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, "Hi, I'm a sperm!"
The red sticky ball smiles and says, "Hi. I'm a tonsil."
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Joke # 12
Q: Why does a pencil seem heavy when you write with it for a long time?
A: Because it is full of lead.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Petrodollar
http://bit.ly/hqJOf8
Towel Holder
http://bit.ly/fBNeMk
Motivational Posters 53
http://bit.ly/m9eJEA
Knowledge of Fishing #15
http://bit.ly/9Seuz8
Adam and Eve
http://bit.ly/gzooVJ
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Vibrator Mixer
http://bit.ly/cF7ILj
Great Ice Cream Commercial
http://bit.ly/cgH63X
Bad Day At Work
http://bit.ly/bujZWQ
Lucky Bike Racer
http://bit.ly/bF797x
Sorry Officer
http://bit.ly/cdZlsF
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Think Gum
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1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
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A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
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