SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
16th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Saturday 15th December 2012
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
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Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
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Christmas Stocking Fillers
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More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
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Joke # 1
Paper Art #20
http://bit.ly/bAhYdz
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Joke # 2
Eat Lamb. 50,000 Coyotes can't be wrong
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Joke # 3
Public-health nurse
Part of her job as a public-health nurse was teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As she was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young couple turned to her and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?"
"Yes," she replied, "That is a good analogy."
"I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?"
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Joke # 4
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
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Joke # 5
2 cars
When we moved cross-country, my wife and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?"
"We'll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other," I reassured him.
"Yeah, but what if we DO get separated?" he persisted.
"Well, then I guess we'll never see each other again," I quipped.
"Okay," he said. "I'm riding with Mom."
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Joke # 6
Gets all the women
A bunch of guys were sitting around the break room talking about sex and women of course and in comes Joe Schmo.
One guy says to the other guys, "Man I just don't understand it. That guy Joe is just an average ordinary looking guy who doesn't have a lot of money and he gets all the women he wants with the snap of his fingers."
"What the hell does he got that I haven't got?"
And this other guy who is an old timer and has been around awhile looks at the guy and says, "Son let me ask you a question. When you go to the bathroom and you get done whizzing, do you shake your penis with your hand to get off the excess urine?"
And the other guy is kind of puzzled but he says "Well yeah, Of course I do."
"But what does that have to do with Joe getting all the women?"
The old timer looks him in the eye and says "Well son, Ol' Joe over there when he gets done taking a piss, he doesn't shake it, He Kicks It!"
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Joke # 7
Famous Last Words
* I'll get a world record for this..
* It's fireproof.
* He's probably just hibernating.
* What does this button do?
* It's probably just a rash.
* Are you sure the power is off?
* Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
* The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
* Pull the pin and count to what?
* Which wire was I supposed to cut?
* I wonder where the mother bear is.
* I've seen this done on TV.
* These are the good kind of mushrooms.
* I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
* Let it down slowly.
* Rat poison only kills rats.
* It's strong enough for both of us.
* This doesn't taste right.
* I can make this light before it changes.
* Nice doggie.
* I can do that with my eyes closed.
* I've done this before.
* Well, we've made it this far.
* That's odd.
* You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?
* Don't be so superstitious.
* Now watch this.
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Joke # 8
Q: Why isn't your nose twelve inches long?
A: If it were, it would be a foot.
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Joke # 9
Do not walk into class late again
Billy walks into class late one day. His teacher says, "Billy, do not walk into class late again."
The next day Billy crawls into class late once again. His teacher says, "Billy, I thought I told you not to come into class late."
Billy responds... "No, ma'am, you told me I couldn't WALK into class late."
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Joke # 10
Blonde
A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver's license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and winds up a couple of feet from the curb.
"Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks.
The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner.
"Now what?" she asks.
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Joke # 11
Torpedo
During World War II, an American warship was under attack by the Japanese. A torpedo was headed toward the ship and a strike seemed inevitable.
The captain told the first officer to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke, so at least the men would die laughing.
Gathering the men around him, the first officer said, "What would you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick against the table?"
When the crew burst out laughing the officer pulled out his penis and whacked it on the table. Just then, a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were the captain and the first officer.
As they floated around in a lifeboat the captain remarked, "You sure got the crew laughing. What did you do?"
The first officer told him.
"Well, you'd better be careful with that dick of yours," the captain said. "The torpedo missed."
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Joke # 12
Q: Did the astronaut like the restaurant on the moon?
A: He thought the food was fine but there wasn't much of an atmosphere!
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
You Just Might be Blueneck If
http://bit.ly/cqc4xD
English Subtitles
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Holy Shit #11
http://bit.ly/dUQabN
Crazy Pictures
http://bit.ly/f6F7cx
US Version of Kings Speech
http://bit.ly/lpLKTx
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Budweiser - Beer In Space
http://bit.ly/baCtz1
Bear Dance
http://bit.ly/a9lGl5
Lassie Vs Leopard
http://bit.ly/coU0Lr
Whitehouse Egg Roll
http://bit.ly/bquIwZ
Super Cop
http://bit.ly/d0QKIc
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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