SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
18th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Tuesday 18th December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
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Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
http://bit.ly/tx8Vvq
Christmas Stocking Fillers
http://bit.ly/t1nCJD
More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
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Joke # 1
Fat Santa
http://bit.ly/bRSGeq
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Joke # 2
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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Joke # 3
Blonde
The blonde was recovering after having given birth. She asked for ice. The nurse provided it, then watched as the blonde placed the ice between her breasts.
"What are you doing that for?"
"That's to keep the milk fresh."
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Joke # 4
Q: How do you get a woman off during sex ?
A: Push her.
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Joke # 5
Sterwardess
While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone.
There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up.
Without thinking she just announced, "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off".
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Joke # 6
Frenchmen
Two Frenchmen take the ferry to Dover and then the train up to London for a vacation, arriving at Waterloo Station.
They look at each other, and one says: "Waterloo Station? What a strange name."
They then take the Underground and come out at Trafalgar Square.
They look at each other again, and the second one says: "Trafalgar Square? How odd."
They then walk around the city and arrive at Agincourt Lane. They look at each once more, and the first one says: "Agincourt Lane? The English must be completely mad. They name all their places after defeats!"
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Joke # 7
Scottish couple
A Scottish couple was walking across the meadows. The girl looked at the guy and shyly asked, "Would you like to hold my hand?"
"Uh...well yes." the boy said, "But how did you know?"
She said, "By the gleam in your eye." They walked a little further and the girl said, "Would you like to kiss me?"
"Oh, my yes!" replied the boy, "But how did you know?"
She said, "By the gleam in your eye."
As they got to the stream, they sat on a stump, the girl looked at the boy and asked, "Would you like to go all the way with me?"
"Well, oh, my gosh, yes! (gulp) Yes! But how did you know? Bythe gleam in my eye?"
"No," replied the girl, "by the TILT IN YOUR KILT."
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Joke # 8
Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A: Because they're all pigs.
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Joke # 9
Divorce
Nadine: Were your parents upset when you got a divorce?
Jill: Well, you know how parents are. My mother said, "SO! Is this how it's going to be? Just one man after another. for the rest of your life?"
Nadine: "Typical! What did you tell her?"
Jill: I said, "Gee, I hope so!"
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Joke # 10
Auto dealership
A salesman at an auto dealership was showing a woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds -and girth - a Jeep.
When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, "Now what would it take to get you into one of these?"
Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied, "Probably a crowbar."
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Joke # 11
Football player
A football player named Smith was an avid hunter and it was the last day of deer season but also the last game of the season. He tells his wife, "I've been just sitting on the bench all season so would you put on my uniform and take my place while I go hunting?"
The wife agrees and he goes hunting while she goes to the game.
In the last three minutes of the game the coach yells, "Smith you're in!"
She can't say anything because her husband would lose his contract and probably get sued. She thinks what can happen in just three minutes? as she runs into the game.
The next thing she knows she has the ball and all these guys are jumping on her. She passes out. When she comes to she finds she's in the locker room naked from the waist down.
The coach sees her coming around and says, "Don't worry Smith! They say as soon as we get your balls back down where they belong, your pecker will pop out."
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Joke # 12
Q: What do you call a man who hates women?
A: A fashion designer.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Memorial Day 5
http://bit.ly/jLdmJK
Homeless Mans Funeral
http://bit.ly/dudAhP
Motivational Posters 73
http://bit.ly/mwApxg
Priceless 8
http://bit.ly/mpR5Zb
Halloween Joke #2
http://bit.ly/96gFdO
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Backflip
http://bit.ly/cO7jnx
Halloween Window
http://bit.ly/azBgmK
No Parachute
http://bit.ly/bgQZGJ
Family Feud TV - Things People Pass Around
http://bit.ly/j7Gdfd
Dolphin Giving Birth
http://bit.ly/azOeyu
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Stretchy Suckers Monkey
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Advanced Sunrise Alarm Clock
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Happy Birthday Musical Straw
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More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US)
Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US)
Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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