SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
20th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Wednesday 19th December 2012:
SydesJokes Home Page
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html
XeeMe (My Social Media Presence)
http://XeeMe.com/SydesJokes
SydesJokes Twitter - Over 145,200 followers!
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes
SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/
SydesJokes Empire Avenue
http://empireavenue.com/SydesJokes
SydesJokes Yahoo Group List
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SydesJokes/
Subscribe to this group
SydesJokes-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe from this group
SydesJokes-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
http://bit.ly/vPVAQi
Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
http://bit.ly/tx8Vvq
Christmas Stocking Fillers
http://bit.ly/t1nCJD
More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 1
Blackbirds
http://bit.ly/cvuqK8
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 2
The IRS is to the people what pantyhose are to quick sex.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 3
In college
One man was talking to another at the temple. He asked, "So where is that boy of yours?"
"Josh is in college," the second man replied.
"What's he taking?"
The second man grimaced,. "Every cent I have."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 4
Q: What does a mummy child call its parents?
A: Mummy and Deady.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 5
Goldfish died
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced kid was up to, he asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died, and I've just buried him," replied Nancy, tearfully, without looking up.
The neighbor was very concerned, said "That's an awfully big grave for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your f*cking cat."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 6
Trial
A guy is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for paying a prostitute for sex. "How do you plead?" asks the judge, to the defendant.
"Not Guilty, your honor."
Showing him a videotape of the alleged act, the prosecutor responds, "How can you possibly convince the court of your innocence, if we have both the sex act, plus your subsequent payment to the alleged prostitute right here on tape?"
"Easy," says the defendant, "I'll admit to the court that although I wasn't engaged in an act of prostitution, I was committing another 'heinous' crime ... Gambling."
"Gambling?" responds the prosecutor. "How so?"
"Well you see," answers the defendant, "I went up to the young lady earlier that night as she was working in a topless bar and said to her, 'I'll bet you $200 that you don't get to have sex with me tonight.' That videotape is just footage of me losing the bet!"
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 7
Speech impediment
There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked, ......"Could I have a fucket please?"
The assistant asked, "Pardon sir?"
"Can I have a fucket please?" replied the man.
"Oh, you mean a bucket!" the shop assistant replied.
The old man said, "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for his bucket and went into the antique shop.
In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked, "Can I have a cock please?"
The cashier looked very puzzled and asked, "Pardon?"
The man again asked, "Can I have a cock please?"
The cashier replied, "Oh, you mean a clock! Yes, certainly sir."
So the man paid for the clock and walked out of the shop.
The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and asked, "Can I have a bum please?"
The assistant said, "Sorry sir? What did you say?"
So he repeated himself, "Can I have a bum please?"
The assistant said, " Oh right, you mean a bun!"
The old man said, "Yes that's what I said in the first place."
So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop.
As he was walking down the street a little old lady came up to him and asked, "Excuseme sir, but do you know the time?"
The man replied, "Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while I get my cock out."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 8
Q: Why don't men know the meaning of fear?
A: They only know one four-letter word beginning with F.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 9
New bride
The new bride went crying to her mother. "Momma, I can't get my husband to do anything. I want him to fix up the house, and he keeps putting it off."
"Honey," her mother replied, "after being married to your father for twenty-six years, I've found the only way to get him to do anything is to tell him he's too old."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 10
Annual physical
A patient mentions his concerns to his doctor during his annual physical.
"Doctor, Is there something you can do for me?" he asks. "I'm getting terribly forgetful. I lose track of where I'm going or what I'm supposed to do when I get there. What should I do?"
The doctor: "Pay me in advance."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 11
Idiots' Guide To Sex
* If she wants to do it French, Russian or Greek, it doesn't mean you have to go to Berlitz and learn the language.
* "Faster, Harder, Deeper" is not the motto of the Olympics.
* A Fallopian tube is not part of a TV set.
* Membership of the Mile*High Club is void if you apply by yourself.
* A clitoris is not something you order from a florist.
* Contrary to popular belief, Grape Nuts is not a venereal disease.
* If it doesn't make you smile: you AIN'T DOIN' IT RIGHT!
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 12
Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
A: The blonde, because she's 18.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
SydesJokes Blog Posts
Blonde Guy
http://bit.ly/gBTZNU
Nobel Peace Prize
http://bit.ly/eUiYZe
Motivational Posters 10
http://bit.ly/exRDmK
A Moose Incident - Fairbanks , Alaska
http://bit.ly/eKWdSL
Arizona Racial Profiling #2
http://bit.ly/dq7ETZ
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
SydesJokes Video Clips
Codan Insrance Commercial
http://bit.ly/eeHLRH
Aussie Toilet Paper Advert
http://bit.ly/91UDjF
White Stag Beer Commercial
http://bit.ly/gMS3li
Bridge in Storm
http://bit.ly/aejiTN
I-mob
http://bit.ly/i5A0G8
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Advertisement
Backwards Clock
http://bit.ly/raNYVW
AnySharp Knife Sharpner Silver
http://bit.ly/pKfGqH
Swiss-Tech Utili-key
http://bit.ly/nVC1SK
Drumstick Pencils
http://bit.ly/nFucVk
Wind Up And Solar Torch
http://bit.ly/ohHUO0
More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-