SydesJokes

SydesJokes · @SydesJokes

23rd Dec 2012 from Twitlonger

#Joke #Humor #LOL

[SydesJokes] Thursday 20th December 2012:

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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity

I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet

My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.

Please support and share with your contacts.

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Christmas Gift Ideas

Christmas Gifts

http://bit.ly/vPVAQi

Christmas Gift Ideas For Men

http://bit.ly/tx8Vvq

Christmas Stocking Fillers

http://bit.ly/t1nCJD

More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza

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Joke # 1

Baptize

http://bit.ly/8XRT8W

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Joke # 2

By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

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Joke # 3

Internet

Apparently, independent studies have discovered that the Internet is an addictive agent, which, they say, is just as powerful as drugs or alcohol.

However, researchers go on to say that the Internet is actually much more dangerous than these addictive substances, since it is a terminal addiction.

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Joke # 4

Q: Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A: So the French can show them how to surrender.

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Joke # 5

Drawing

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God.."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

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Joke # 6

Swimming pool

A young man in a public swimming pool was startled when his swim suit fell off. He was in the deep end, and couldn't find it, no matter how desperately he looked.

Perplexed, he went to the shallow end and tried to figure out what to do. As he stood there up to his chest in water and watched the young ladies in their bikinis, he was additionally stressed to realize that he now sported a raging hard-on.

Finally, he struck up a course of action. He jumped violently out of the water and shouted loudly, "Mad dog! Mad dog!"

Although most of the others in the pool began screaming in fear, a lusty redhead took a more direct course of action.

She tore off her bikini bottoms, flattened him on the ground and straddled him yelling, "Quick! Let me muzzle that son of a bitch before it gets away!"

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Joke # 7

$300.00 Bocceli leather shoes

Giorgio is in this country for about 6 months. He walks to work every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window and admires a certain pair of Bocceli leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the $300.00 the shoes cost and purchases them. Every Friday night the Italian community gets together at a dance in the church basement, so Giorgio seizes the opportunity to wear his new Bocceli leather shoes to the dance.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?"

Sophia, startled, says, "Yes, Giorgio, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?"

Giorgio replies, "I see the reflection in my new $300.00 Bocceli leather shoes. How do you like them?"

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he says to her, "Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?"

Rosa answers, "Yes, Giorgio, I do, but how do you know that?"

He answers, "I see the reflection in my new $300.00 Bocceli leather shoes. How do you like them?"

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Giorgio asks Carmella to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red. He says, "Carmella, stilla my heart, please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tella me this true!"

Carmella smiles coyly and answers, "Yes Giorgio, I wear no panties tonight."

Giorgio gasps and says ...."Thanka God ... I thought I had a CRACK in my $300.00 Bocceli leather shoes!"

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Joke # 8

Q: Why do the French like smelly cheeses?
A: Well, in a room full of French people, you can't really smell the cheese.

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Joke # 9

Professor

A professor was taking in the scene at a popular L.A. nightspot when a mini-skirted Valley Girl sashayed over to him and said, "Like, I want you to totally screw my brains out."

"Sorry," he replied, "I'm not into quickies.

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Joke # 10


Longer Soft

Sam and Abe, now in their eighties, first met in grade school. Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes and making bets.

One day Sam calls Abe and says, "I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars..."

Abe replies, "How can that be? If you know anything about biology you...."

Sam interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars... YES OR NO?"

Abe says, "OK, OK. I'll take that bet. How long is yours soft?"

Sam answers, "Eleven years!"

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Joke # 11

Shipwreck

A guy, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck and they found themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there awhile, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

The dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the guy had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the guy started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in, cautiously leaned over to the young woman, and whispered in her ear... "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

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Joke # 12

Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are French children?
A: Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have mustaches!!

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Inventor of the Vibrator

http://bit.ly/hHx1Cm

Motivational Posters 27

http://bit.ly/fzv7uY

Examples of stupid parents #3

http://bit.ly/b8T956

Twas the Day After Christmas

http://bit.ly/hFEQCT

Apple iTit

http://bit.ly/aJkfCX

More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Extreme Parking

http://bit.ly/9NkzaM

Russian Tunnel of Death

http://bit.ly/aCMBTH

Donald Rumsfeld Leaves the White House

http://bit.ly/945hpf

Plane Flyby Crash

http://bit.ly/bgqr1X

Squirrel Trap

http://bit.ly/aUQ9rn

More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html

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