SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
23rd Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Friday 21st December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
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Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
http://bit.ly/tx8Vvq
Christmas Stocking Fillers
http://bit.ly/t1nCJD
More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
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Joke # 1
City of Toothpicks #7
http://bit.ly/bMSjOb
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Joke # 2
She was only a Archer's daughter and was always bow- legged.
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Joke # 3
Wife's graveside service
His wife's graveside service had just finished when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she made it."
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Joke # 4
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell station!
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Joke # 5
Ear
A married couple had just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.
The husband, tired of the same old sex, says to his wife, "Honey, I want to try something new to spice up our sex life."
"Sure" said his wife. "What did you have in mind?"
"Well," said the husband, "I really want to try cuming in your ear."
"WHAT?! What are you, crazy? That's disgusting, and besides, I could become deaf!"
"What do you mean, deaf? You've been giving me blowjobs for over 25 years, and you haven't become dumb."
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Joke # 6
Scotch
A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.
The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.
The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender: "I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!"
Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.
The patron takes a sip...same reaction. But the bartender still doesn't believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch.
Again, same reaction from the patron. Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch.
The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.
All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkenly says: "Shay mishter, tashte this!"
The patron obliges...he promptly spits it out. "It tastes like piss," he shoots back at the drunk.
The drunk replies: "It ish. How old am I?"
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Joke # 7
Top Financial Crisis Quotes
The federal government will bail out the financial industry. It's broke, operationally defunct, and is headed by greedy, power grabbing weasels. And the financial system ain't in good shape either. (Alan Ray)
The financial crisis is getting worse. A bailout is in the works. Today, Congress declared, "The days of getting money just for the asking, are over. Then, they asked for $700 billion. (Jay Leno)
You know the way a bailout works? Here's the way a bailout works. A failed president and a failed Congress invest $700 billion of your money in failed businesses. Believe me, this can't fail. (Jay Leno)
Bush is pissed about the trillion dollar thing. Usually, when he spends that kind of money on a country, he gets to bomb the shit out of it, too. (Bill Maher)
The federal government announced a plan to spend a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall Street was surprisingly enthusiastic about the plan. It was either that, or Sarah Palin's idea to sell it all on eBay. (Bill Maher)
Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11. (Jay Leno)
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Joke # 8
Q: What do 54,000 battered women have in common each year?
A: They don't fucking listen.
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Joke # 9
Webster
Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say something, his wife would say, "... And what's that supposed to mean?"
Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.
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Joke # 10
Warden's ball
Two prisoners were having a chat. The first one said. "I've got two tickets for the warden's ball, Do you want to buy one?"
"No thanks," said the second guy. "I can't dance."
"It's not a dance," said the first prisoner. "It's a raffle!"
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Joke # 11
Proud father
His girl's proud father was leading a young suitor through the voluminous pages of the old family album. After seeing scores of members of the clan, the young man was finally shown the picture of a solid-looking old gentleman.
"This," said the father proudly, "is the founder of the family."
"What did he do?" asked the young man.
"He founded the family," the older man said again.
"I mean, sir," the suitor floundered, "what did he do to distinguish himself?"
"He was the founder of the family," the father rasped in exasperation.
"I understand that, sir," the suitor sighed. "I just wondered what the old gent did in the day-time."
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Joke # 12
Q: Name the four seasons
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Normandy - Then & Now #3
http://bit.ly/aWqm84
Cat Food
http://bit.ly/ifhdtn
Deepwater Horizon Oil Rig Fire (Photos & PDF)
http://bit.ly/cdDvtO
Wide Screen TV
http://bit.ly/haAJj2
Priceless 9
http://bit.ly/kcLOwY
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Lassie Kung Fu
http://bit.ly/9ccn7k
Voting in USA
http://bit.ly/e7Dq98
Zales Commercial
http://bit.ly/aRRwac
Beer Bitch
http://bit.ly/aT6erQ
Passport Control
http://bit.ly/9nBLTR
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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