SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
23rd Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Saturday 22nd December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Christmas Gift Ideas
Christmas Gifts
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Christmas Gift Ideas For Men
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Christmas Stocking Fillers
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More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
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Joke # 1
Motivational Poster #57
http://bit.ly/datN2M
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Joke # 2
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Joke # 3
First-grader
The parents took their first-grader on a car trip to Canada. To help pass the time, the boy practiced his new reading skills by calling out road signs.
He fell asleep just before they entered Quebec. When he awoke, he saw the French highway signs and shouted in a worried tone, "I forgot how to read while I was asleep!"
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Joke # 4
Q: What's green, cold, slimey and croaks?
A: A Frenchman
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Joke # 5
Good news and some bad news
Susan phones her husband, Nick, at work for a chat.
Nick: "I'm sorry dear, but I'm up to my neck in work today."
Susan: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear."
Nick: "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news."
Susan: "Well, the air bag works."
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Joke # 6
Job Qualifications
Jim needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven.
After a successful initial interview at the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager.
"You say you have experience selling books?"
"Lots of it," replies Jim.
"And you have a Master's in American history from the University of Michigan?"
"Correct," replies Jim. "History is my field of study."
"Well then," says the sales manager, "As soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in the firm."
While the sales manager is making a few notations, Jim, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls.
Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, "Fine looking men. Your partners?"
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Joke # 7
Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.
Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
"One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb.
"No! Five pounds!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "One hundred and Fifty pounds!
He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"
One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles realized she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough,there was the hooker.
He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.
Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled,
"See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!"
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Joke # 8
Q: What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a redneck?
A: The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.
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Joke # 9
Stovepipe hat
An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a Halloween party?"
"Yeah," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln." Protested the barkeep.
"That's right. .... My last four scores were seven years ago."
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Joke # 10
Rough day at the office
When Felix, the regional sales manager for a machine tools company, got home from the office, his wife couldn't help noticing that his tie was loose, his fly unzipped, his hair disheveled, he smelled of perfume, and his collar was covered with lipstick. "Rough day at the office" she commented.
"Not too bad," he said nonchalantly. "Had to break in a new sales associate, but I think she'll work out."
"Does she take shorthand" asked his wife. "
No," blurted Felix, "but she gives it."
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Joke # 11
Barber shop
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
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Joke # 12
Q: Why are blondes like Corn Flakes?
A: Because they're simple, they're easy, and they taste good!
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Signs that the Enterprise is Nearing the End of it's Warranty
http://bit.ly/h1AaWU
Lecture
http://bit.ly/hd6zQ9
Only a Year to Live
http://bit.ly/gL5Ugq
Motivational Posters 51
http://bit.ly/lUuPsF
This Egypt Thing
http://bit.ly/hWFiOz
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Flying Boat #1
http://bit.ly/cJ9Bbj
Sprite Love
http://bit.ly/brA6B3
Otters Holding Hands
http://bit.ly/bEQ6zM
Heavy Duty
http://bit.ly/cVE33A
Heiniken Football Commercial
http://bit.ly/oQJx7h
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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