SydesJokes

SydesJokes · @SydesJokes

23rd Dec 2012 from Twitlonger

#Joke #Humor #LOL

[SydesJokes] Sunday 23rd December 2012:

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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity

I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet

My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.

Please support and share with your contacts.

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Christmas Gift Ideas

Christmas Gifts

http://bit.ly/vPVAQi

Christmas Gift Ideas For Men

http://bit.ly/tx8Vvq

Christmas Stocking Fillers

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More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza

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Joke # 1

Urinal Mat

http://bit.ly/9DRGeY

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Joke # 2

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

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Joke # 3

Divorced

A woman finally got divorced from a rather nasty and egotistical man. She then re-married someone whom she felt would treat her with more love and kindness.

When her ex-husband happened to meet her on the street one day, he couldn't overcome his usual tendencies, and asked her sarcastically,

"So, how does that new husband of yours like screwing a used pussy?"

"He likes it just fine," she replied, "once he gets past the used part."

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Joke # 4

Q: What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A: Brain tumor.

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Joke # 5

Polish car

A man asked his neighbor how he kept his car looking so nice and glossy. The neighbor replied that his wife gave him all her worn out panties and he used these to polish his car with.

Being a bachelor, he decided to ask his stenographer for some of hers, so one day at the office he asked: "By the way, Miss Jones, what do you do with your panties when you wear them out?"

Well that's a really personal question" she replied demurely, "But, if I can find them afterwards, I put them back on again."

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Joke # 6

Blonde

Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large birdcage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking so sad.

Liz, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. hy??"

Sally, "Cause I just can't get a man."

Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."

Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."

Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."

Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."

Liz, "So, how's that going help you get a man?"

Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hoo-ters."

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Joke # 7

Trucker

This trucker had been driving his eighteen wheeler for hours and he was hot and tired so he stopped at his favorite brothel he'd patronize for years.

Mabel answers the door and says "Hey there Ed. What can Ido for you."

Ed replies, "You know I've been trading here for twenty years and this time I'd like something different."

"Well" says Mabel, "we got Annie, Betty and Lucy - she takes it up the 'attic'".

"Hell no, I want something different" says Ed.

Mabel says, "Oh, I'll send Hurricane Jessie. She's new. Now you go on to your room."

Ed goes to his room and gets all prepared. Soon this big Amazon of a gal comes in and she's puffing and a blowing. She straddles old Ed and starts swinging back and forth, her big boobs just knocking hell outa his head. He cried, "What in hell's going on?"

"I'm Hurricane Jessie and that's the coconuts falling off the coconut trees".

Pretty soon she starts pissing all over him and says this is the monsoon rains that come with the hurricane.

Ed jumps off the bed and Hurricane Jessie says, "What's wrong honey, don't you like it?"

He said,"I'm leaving. Who in hell could fuck in this kind of weather?!"

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Joke # 8

Q: What kind of shoes do spies wear?
A: Sneakers!

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Joke # 9

Italian restaurant

The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.

"Your pasta quattro formaggi was superb!" the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I had over there."

"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported."

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Joke # 10

Homework

"Vernon, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.

"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.

"Vernon, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted the boy. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"

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Joke # 11

Good health

After his exam the doctor said to David, 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do,' said David' After I have sex I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have it with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.'

After examining his elderly wife Roberta, the doctor said, 'Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?' Roberta replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?'

'Oh that crazy old fart,' she replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is in December.

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Joke # 12

Q: Why Didn't The Gay Student Sit Down?
A: His Seat Was Taken Right Before Class.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Chocolate

http://bit.ly/eqHQnA

Vacation

http://bit.ly/eqfqDI

Motivational Posters 84

http://bit.ly/lLO0Xu

Philosophy Professor

http://bit.ly/awWhRv

Bad Taste Bears 1

http://bit.ly/eiGpxK

More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

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SydesJokes Video Clips

New Invention For Women

http://bit.ly/d8EKSk

Vehicle Barrier

http://bit.ly/cU0jYU

Lamborghini Compacto

http://bit.ly/bWSsZi

Blowing Up A Balloon

http://bit.ly/aqt73Z

Lenovo Laptops Are Tough

http://bit.ly/bTfRIK

More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html

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Digital Photo Frame Keyring

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Other Joke Lists

1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/

2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH

A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/

3. Cartoonery

A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/

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