SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
26th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Tuesday 25th December 2012:
SydesJokes Home Page
http://www.SydesJokes.com/index2.html
XeeMe (My Social Media Presence)
http://XeeMe.com/SydesJokes
SydesJokes eBook Special Holiday Offer for only $4
http://bit.ly/TNtMnK
SydesJokes Twitter - Over 146,400 followers!
http://twitter.com/SydesJokes
SydesJokes Blog
http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
SydesJokes Flickr Photostream
http://flickr.com/photos/SydesJokes/
SydesJokes Empire Avenue
http://empireavenue.com/SydesJokes
SydesJokes Yahoo Group List
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SydesJokes/
Subscribe to this group
SydesJokes-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Unsubscribe from this group
SydesJokes-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 1
Womans Stress Relief
http://bit.ly/9OKab9
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 2
Do you ever wonder how the size of hail was described before the game of golf was invented?
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 3
Airline ticket
A customer called the airline's reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card. The reservation specialist asked him,
"Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card, sir?"
The customer carefully replied, "V-I-S-A."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 4
Q: What's the definition of eternity?
A: The time between when you cum and she leaves.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 5
Tour bus
Groups of Americans were travelling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.'
She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered, 'they send us on bus tours!
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 6
Pick-up Chips
1. I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?
2. Excuse me, do you have a Band-Aid because I scraped my knee when I fell for you.
3. I hope you have a library card because I'm checking you out.
4. Your tag says Made in USA, but I could have sworn you were made in Heaven.
5. Hey lady, those are some nice clothes, can I talk you out of them?
6. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
7. Is your dad a terrorist? Cause baby your da bomb!
8. My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
9. Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.
10. Want to play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay back while You blow the hell out of me.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 7
Indian
An Indian is walking home from a long night of hard partying in the hot morning sun when he finds a cowboy hat on the side of the road. He picks it up and looks at it and thinks, "Niceum hat" and puts it on and keeps walking.
Before long a crew truck full of cowboys pulls up and asks...
"Hey injun you want a ride?"
The Indian says "Yes.. Me takeum ride" and gets in the truck.
They take off down the road and one of the cowboys says "Hey Indian..You want a beer?"
The Indian says" Yes.. Me Like beer" and starts drinking it.
Another cowboy lights up a joint and says, "Hey Indian.. You smoke weed?"
The Indian says "Yes... Me like weed" and has a few tokes.
Another cowboy in the back of the truck stands up and unzips his pants and says, "Hey Indian.. come here!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Oh, Me not real cowboy, me just findum hat on road!"
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 8
Q: Why do Frenchmen wear berets?
A: So they know which end to wipe.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 9
Huge guy
A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, "How the hell do the two of you have sex?" The big guy says, "I just sit there naked on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down." His friend says, "You know, that doesn't sound too bad."
The big guy says, "Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I got somebody to talk to."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 10
Having an affair
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plummer the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 11
Railroad accident
In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.
At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.
"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross examination."
"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."
"How's that?" the lawyer asked.
"I was afraid he was going to ask if the darn lantern was lit!"
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Joke # 12
Q: Why wasn't the rocket in the cafeteria?
A: It went home for launch
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
SydesJokes Blog Posts
Amazing Alaska
http://bit.ly/fw1coP
Limp
http://bit.ly/igPKVY
Constructions Wrong #3
http://bit.ly/bIoJ46
Super Bowl Bingo
http://bit.ly/gMdwaH
Grandpa make a frog noise
http://bit.ly/km5vm2
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
SydesJokes Video Clips
Mercedes Benz Hamster
http://bit.ly/9VctUM
Grab A Snickers
http://bit.ly/9ta0rg
Evil Ka Kills Cat
http://bit.ly/bCOPuR
Budweiser - Backstage
http://bit.ly/a9kBuO
Dr House - Asthma
http://bit.ly/aIHuNz
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Advertisement
Flying Lanterns / Sky Lanterns
http://bit.ly/nvrfth
3D Polarized Glasses - Black
http://bit.ly/p1nTYX
Condiment Gun
http://bit.ly/rtDssq
Mini Remote Control Tanks
http://bit.ly/pSeDI0
Rhythm Sticks
http://bit.ly/pV2SWO
More from ParamountZone(UK) --> http://bit.ly/ZmQkza
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-