SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
30th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Thursday 27th December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Joke # 1
Biological Clock
http://bit.ly/burjTe
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Joke # 2
My wife makes love like a chess player. Every twenty minutes she moves.
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Joke # 3
Wayward girl
The young woman approached the executive in front of his office and said, "Please sir, give to take a wayward girl off the street."
"And how much do you suggest I give?" he asked.
"It depends," she smiled, "Entirely on how long you want to keep her off of it."
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Joke # 4
Q: What do they call pastors in Germany?
A: German Shepherds.
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Joke # 5
Politician & prostitute
After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table. "Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."
"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed politician replied. "You can't make a living on that."
"Oh, don't worry," the lady of the night, replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"
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Joke # 6
Laundry
A woman was doing the laundry in the apartment buildings basement. She had just finished washing and drying one load and was getting ready to start another load when she decided to wash the nightgown she was wearing.
She took it off and placed it in the washer. Now she is naked and preparing to take the freshly cleaned clothes upstairs when she noticed her son's football helmet lying on the shelf. She grabbed the helmet, placed it on her head, picked up the clean clothes, and turned around.
There stood the Maintenance man who quickly said, "I don't know which team you are playing for ma'am but I sure hope you win".
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Joke # 7
Little Johnny
Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She asked him what happened, and he replied, "Ma'am, you remember I told you how I sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last night, my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he punched me in the face."
"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, " the next time your dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and pretend to be asleep."
All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her advice.
Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too', and I didn't want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on my slippers, I'm coming too' and that's when I got punched in the face."
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Joke # 8
Q: Why does a tiger have stripes?
A: So he won't be spotted.
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Joke # 9
Porsche
A man walked into a Porsche dealership, opened the door of a Boxster, took a seat behind the wheel and smiled. A salesman approached and asked, "Are you thinking about buying this car?"
"Oh, I'm definitely going to buy this car," he said, "but I'm thinking about pussy."
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Joke # 10
Married 66 years
I met a man who had been married for 66 years.
"Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?"
"Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions and the woman just makes the little decisions."
"Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?"
"Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!"
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Joke # 11
Dyslexic skiers
Two dyslexic skiers were at the top of a mountain in the Alps, getting ready to ski down to the bottom. The first one said to his mate, "Come on then, let's zigzag all the way down."
His friend replied, "No, no, you've got it wrong. We should be zagzigging down."
"It's zigzag!" said the first.
"No it's zagzig" argued his mate.
Then they saw a guy on a sled waiting to take a run down the slope. They asked his opinion on their dilemma.
"Is it zig-zag or zag-zig?" asked the first skier.
"I don't know. I'm a tobogganist" he replied.
"Oh, ok" said the second skier. "I'll have a pack of Marlboros instead."
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Joke # 12
Q: What is the politically correct name for Lesbian?
A: Vagitarian.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
The Blond Mortician
http://bit.ly/edG9u0
Jack 'n Jill
http://bit.ly/eiw2Hk
Best Friend
http://bit.ly/fbj5nY
Marble Caves of Rio Tranquilo
http://bit.ly/gjauu8
Pumpkins #2
http://bit.ly/aHBQEY
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Lets Rock
http://bit.ly/bKQt9E
Don't Drop It
http://bit.ly/d6pPqQ
Budweiser - Penalty Kick
http://bit.ly/aEuvWw
Dr Horrible's Sing Along Act 2 / Part 1
http://bit.ly/diIHeE
Women Rule
http://bit.ly/9B5OvE
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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