SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
30th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Friday 28th December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Joke # 1
Only in Pakistan #8
http://bit.ly/d5Y9Eq
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Joke # 2
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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Joke # 3
Pretty Girl
As a pretty girl boarded his bus, the driver asked, "Where'd you get that sweater with the knobs on it?"
Without blinking an eye, she replied, "The same place you got your pants with the gear shift."
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Joke # 4
Q: Why couldn't the chicken find her eggs?
A: She mislaid them.
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Joke # 5
Army's policy
Jill: C'mon, Mary, exactly how many men have you been with?
Mary: Now, Jill, I've taken the Army's policy on that information and adapted it for my own situation.
Jill: What do you mean?
Mary: Don't ask; don't tell; don't remember.
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Joke # 6
No arms and legs
A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day, enjoying his chance to get some sun.
All of a sudden, a beautiful woman walks by and stops. "You poor man," she says. "I bet you've never been kissed have you?"
The man has to admit, no, he never has, so she bends down and plants a good one right on the mouth.
A few minutes later, another gorgeous babe walks up. "You look like you need a hug," she says.
He agrees that would be nice, she gives him a great one, and walks away.
A few minutes later, a drop-dead gorgeous girl walks by. She stops, a sultry smile on her face and looks down at him.
"Mister", she says, "Have you ever been Fucked?"
"No", he says with a hopeful grin.
"Well, you are now. The tide's coming in."
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Joke # 7
Bars
A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"
The others agree that sounds like a good place.
Then the American says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink." Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.
Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin , there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"
"No," replies the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister!"
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Joke # 8
Q: What did one magnet say to the other?
A: I find you very attractive.
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Joke # 9
Indecent thoughts
Pauly was shopping the other day and wound up face to face with this drop dead gorgeous woman. He couldn't help but just stare at her, so much so that his mouth dropped open. The woman caught him staring and suspected he wasn't just admiring her outfit. She said, "Are you often troubled by indecent thoughts?"
"No, ma'am, not troubled at all. Actually, to be honest, I rather enjoy them." said Pauly.
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Joke # 10
Free professional advice
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked.
"First I'd have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged.
The woman took a deep breath. "He's very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well..."
"Oh, I see," the psychologist said. "It's YOUR child!"
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Joke # 11
Old Navy Chief
The old Chief finally retired from the Navy and got that chicken ranch he always wanted. He took with him his lifelong pet parrot. First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked and said, "Off yer hocks and don yer socks. Reveille"
The old chief told the parrot, "we are no longer in the Navy. Go back to sleep." The next morning, the parrot did the same thing. The old Chief told the parrot, "Look, if you keep this up, I will put you out in the chicken pen."
Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen. About 0630, the Chief was awakened by one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter.
The parrot had about 40 white chickens in formation and on the ground lay 3 bruised and beaten brown ones. The parrot was saying, "By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don't mean Khakis!"
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Joke # 12
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact with sexy women?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Volkswagen Assembly Plant
http://bit.ly/g2vJEO
Art Food #2
http://bit.ly/aMuF0Z
Veterinarian and Taxidermist
http://bit.ly/gOSWoD
Billboards you will never see #2
http://bit.ly/93qNiw
Best blowjob you ever had
http://bit.ly/gn2uqT
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Marbels
http://bit.ly/9AMDS9
Woman President
http://bit.ly/bS4Dse
A Winner
http://bit.ly/bmreBk
Crewman Sucked Into Jet Engine
http://bit.ly/carzzy
Wrong Building
http://bit.ly/aoWTlR
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
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2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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