SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
30th Dec 2012 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Saturday 29th December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Joke # 1
Cardboard Art #7
http://bit.ly/9FHkX0
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Joke # 2
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
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Joke # 3
Trip to Holy Land
A Scotsman, was planning a trip to the Holy Land, who was aghast when he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee. "Hoot mon," he said, "in Scotland it wouldna ha been more than $20."
"That might be true," said the travel agent, "but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord himself walked."
"Well, at $50/hour for a boat," said the Scotsman, "it's no wonder he walked."
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Joke # 4
Q: Why Did The Gay Cover Himself With Whipped Cream?
A: He Was Going To The Party As A Wet Dream.
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Joke # 5
Magician
Mike picked up an attractive woman, named Linda, who flagged down his car in a seedy part of town. As they rode, he asked her what she did for a living.
Linda winked at Mike and said, "I'm a magician."
"No way," Mike scoffed. 'Prove it."
So Linda touched him on the thigh, and "Poof" Mike turned into a hotel.
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Joke # 6
Drunken Irishman
A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"
"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few miles back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the man. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
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Joke # 7
Priest & Nun
A priest and a nun are on their way home from a conv- ention when suddenly, their car dies.
The priest says to the nun "Well Sister, I'm afraid we are going to have to go to a hotel for the night."
The nun just smiles, and says, " OK, Father."
They arrive at the hotel to find that there is only one room available. The priest says 'Well Sister, I'm afraid we are going to have to share a room. I'm sure that under the circumstances, God won't mind. You sleep in the bed and I'll sleep on the couch."
The nun just smiles and says, "OK, Father."
They check into the room and prepare for bed, the priest on the couch, and the nun in the bed. The priest turns out the lights and goes to sleep.
Ten minutes later the nun says, "Father, I'm cold."
The priest says, "OK Sister, I'll get you an extra blanket." He gets her a blanket and goes back to sleep.
Ten minutes later, the nun says, "Father, I'm STILL cold." So the priest gets up, gets her another blanket, and goes back to sleep again.
Ten minutes later, the nun says, "Father, I'm VERY cold. You don't suppose that, under the circumstances, God would mind if we acted like husband and wife for just one night?"
The priest answered, " No. I don't suppose he would - GET YOUR OWN DAMN BLANKET! "
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Joke # 8
Q: What is common between between a 3 pin plug and the England footbal team?
A: They are both useless in Europe!
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Joke # 9
Wearing wedding ring
Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing his wedding ring. She asked, "Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?"
He replied, "It cuts off my circulation."
She answered back, "It's supposed to!"
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Joke # 10
Magician
Mike picked up an attractive woman, named Linda, who flagged down his car in a seedy part of town. As they rode, he asked her what she did for a living.
Linda winked at Mike and said, "I'm a magician."
"No way," Mike scoffed. 'Prove it."
So Linda touched him on the thigh, and "Poof" Mike turned into a hotel.
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Joke # 11
Business trip
Jack left for a two day business trip to Chicago. He was only a few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his plane ticket on top of his dresser.
He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee.
She looked so good that he quietly tiptoed up behind her, reached out, and squeezed her left tit.
"Just leave one quart of milk," she said. "Jack won't be here for breakfast tomorrow."
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Joke # 12
Q: What is the similarity between a video recorder and a man?
A: They go forwards, backwards, forwards, and backwards, stop and eject!
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Curious Pictures
http://bit.ly/gijQpV
Alternative Ways To Say No
http://bit.ly/9Z3xUm
Motivational Posters 44
http://bit.ly/kqRTDB
Origin Of Texas Longhorn Logo
http://bit.ly/pwLvoq
Motivational Posters 1
http://bit.ly/gOlvb1
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Facebook Manners
http://bit.ly/cw8Ve7
Budweiser - Vikings
http://bit.ly/d9HBGp
I Believe I Can Fly
http://bit.ly/9BVsoj
Breaking the Barrier
http://bit.ly/q7rsg8
Make 7 Up Yours
http://bit.ly/c9erre
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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