SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
1st Jan 2013 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Monday 31st December 2012:
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My Sponsonered Diet for Charity
I am aiming to lose 25Kg (55Lbs) by end of April 2013 and raise money for the British Heart Foundation:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/ColinSponsoredDiet
My starting weight is 150Kg (330Lbs) so need to lose the weight.
Please support and share with your contacts.
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Joke # 1
Aviation #20
http://bit.ly/as7Hwk
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Joke # 2
Sex is like going to the gas station. Sometimes you get full service, and sometimes you have to go to self-serve.
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Joke # 3
Busy day at bank
It was a typically busy day at the bank. After a glance at the line of waiting customers, a harried looking man came up to the side counter and demanded, "What do I have to do to change the address on my account?"
Without missing a beat, the clerk replied, "Move"
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Joke # 4
Q: How Do You Tell If A Track Star Is Gay?
A: He's Always Trying To Lap The Other Runners!
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Joke # 5
40th wedding anniversary
On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"
Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
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Joke # 6
New Discovery
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York archeologists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: "California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, The Jersey Journal, a local newspaper in New Jersey , reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his back yard , Vinny 'Boda Bing' Manziano, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Vinny has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, New Jersey had already gone wireless."
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Joke # 7
Rich man
Well it all started when a very rich man found a very young and dirty poor girl on the street on a snowy night. He asked her if she would like a place to stay since he heard that the blizzard would last for a few days. She took him up and his offer and went home with him. When they both arrived the man told her "I'm allowing you to sleep in any room on the west wing.
Just stay away from the east wing, because that's where my son's room is, and i don't want you near him."
She agreed and picked her room.
That night the man woke up to an unfamiliar noise. He rushed into his son's room and found the girl screwing him. The man was furious. He gave her another chance though and escorted her back to her room, again he warned her. The next night, he awoke again and found the same thing. He would have thrown her out, but It was still snowing and so he escorted her back to her room and warned her for the last time.
The next night before he went to bed he went to his son's room and poured green glitter in his sons pants. That night he heard some noise, but figured he would catch her in the morning. The next morning he woke up and rushed into her room.
He demanded she pull down her pants.
She did willingly and he found nothing.
He apologized and said he must of been hearing things.
After breakfast the young girl thanks the man for his hospitality and walked out of the house with a green tongue.
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Joke # 8
Q: What are forceps?
A: Giant baby tweezers.
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Joke # 9
Marriage counselor
Braisco goes to a marriage counselor and says, "My marriage isn't as much fun as it used to be. My wife is always tired".
The marriage counselor says, "Do you still enjoy sex?
"As much as the next fellow" replied Braisco.
The counselor says, "Maybe between you and the next fellow, she's exhausted"
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Joke # 10
Homework
One day Danny was doing his homework. He was up to spelling and he needed to spell harassment. His teacher told him to have a parent recite the words so they can practice writing it so Danny looks up to his mother and says, "Mom, how do you spell harassment?"
His mother replies, "You know I can't tell you. Just sound it out."
With that Danny wrote down on the paper. The next day at school Danny's teacher calls him to the front of the class and asks him to use harassment in a sentence. Danny holds his paper up to his face and looks down at number 10. "Her ass meant so much to me."
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Joke # 11
What Should Sex And Parking Spaces Have In Common:
* You should never have to wait to find one.
* You should be able to slide right into one.
* Spaces in the front are always the best.
* When there are no spaces in front, spaces in the rear are just fine.
* It makes you jealous when you see someone else is double-parked.
* Your space should still be open and waiting when you get back.
* People are willing to wait in line for the good spaces.
* Spaces with short time limits are annoying and never satisfying.
* We're all looking for the free space with the "unlimited" time limit.
* A house isn't a home without a parking space.
* Some people are uncomfortable with a space in the rear, just do it.
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Joke # 12
Q: How does one sanitize nipples?
A: Bathe daily and wear a clean bra: It beats boiling them in a saucepan.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Bush's Book - 1 of 5
http://bit.ly/eDOkCb
Atheist Holy Day
http://bit.ly/eqNooM
Being Politically Correct at the Office
http://bit.ly/kuBm1r
New TSA T-shirts - 3 of 3
http://bit.ly/fZtpN6
Daughter's New T-Shirt
http://bit.ly/ehOGd0
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Us Pole Championship
http://bit.ly/d0HbYt
Kia Opitma Advert
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Wife Coming To Office
http://bit.ly/aLrr0n
Close Encounters of the Redneck Kind
http://bit.ly/piwMFH
Walk In Fridge
http://bit.ly/ehhLBE
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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