SydesJokes

SydesJokes · @SydesJokes

7th Jan 2013 from Twitlonger

#Joke #Humor #LOL

[SydesJokes] Tuesday 1st January 2013:

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Shorty Awards voting opens on 7th January 2013

If you use Twitter please help by voting for me or asking your friends who use Twitter to vote for me in the following categories starting on Monday 7th January:

http://shortyawards.com/SydesJokes?category=jokes
http://shortyawards.com/SydesJokes?category=humor
http://shortyawards.com/SydesJokes?category=humour

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Joke # 1

Price of Gas #54

http://bit.ly/dd4i04

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Joke # 2

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

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Joke # 3

Enquiries

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".

Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?".

Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre."

Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours."

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Joke # 4

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

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Joke # 5

Homework

One day Danny was doing his homework. He was up to spelling and he needed to spell harassment. His teacher told him to have a parent recite the words so they can practice writing it so Danny looks up to his mother and says, "Mom, how do you spell harassment?"

His mother replies, "You know I can't tell you. Just sound it out."

With that Danny wrote down on the paper. The next day at school Danny's teacher calls him to the front of the class and asks him to use harassment in a sentence. Danny holds his paper up to his face and looks down at number 10. "Her ass meant so much to me."

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Joke # 6

Object of dating

A father said, "Son, the object of dating is to score! And to do that, you have to give the woman something. So when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get!"

Next day the son showed up for his date with flowers and chocolates. She was very flattered and pleased and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair, hoping to give him the best kiss that he had ever received.

After the kiss, he turned and headed for the door.

"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away."

"You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to get you some jewelry!"

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Joke # 7

Yellow frog

There once was a yellow frog and all the other frogs used to tease him. So, one day he went to an old witch and asked if she could, change him to green.

The witch said she could and she said the magic words. The frog was green!

But when the frog looked down he said, "Witch, my private parts are still yellow!"

The witch said, "I don't do private parts; you'll have to go to my sister down the road." And so off the frog went.

Later that day a blue deer came to ask the witch to change him to brown. The witch did. Then he too saw that his private parts were blue. "What about my private parts?" The witch told him to go to his sister's house and she'd change his private parts to brown.

The deer said, "I'm not very good with directions. How do I get there?"

The witch said, "Oh that's easy, just follow the yellow dicked toad!"

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Joke # 8

Q: What's a modern bride's idea of her Dream House?
A: 40,000 square feet and no kitchen.

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Joke # 9

Psychiatrist

Well Robert," said the psychiatrist, "why the long face today?"

"I got fired from my job at the grocery store," he said. "The boss caught me with my organ in the meat slicer."

The doctor was mortified. "My God, Robert, why did you do a thing like that?"

Robert sighed, "She wanted it, too."

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Joke # 10

Broadway show

A man took his wife to a Broadway show. During the first intermission he had to use the bathroom in the worst way, so he hurried to find the bathrooms.

He searched in vain for the rest rooms, but instead, all he found was a beautiful fountain with foliage. Nobody was watching, so he decided to take a go right there. When he finally got back into the auditorium, the second act had already begun.

He searched in the dark until he found his wife. "Did I miss much of the second act?" he asked.

"Miss it?" she said, "You were starring in it!"

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Joke # 11

Indifferent

One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "who can tell me the meaning of indifferent?"

The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows. Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand. The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual innuendo, looks for another student to ask.

Finally when no one else raises their hand, she says, "yes, Johnny?"

"Miss Figpot, it's means lovely."

Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?"

"Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mom say, 'that's lovely'. Dad replied to her, 'Yep, it's in different.'"

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Joke # 12

Q: Where are the brave French soldiers buried?
A: There aren't any so they had to bury some of ours on their soil.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Motivational Posters 47

http://bit.ly/m3Niuj

Examples of stupid parents #2

http://bit.ly/bZljjw

Bad Economy Halloween

http://bit.ly/cXzAyU

Pub Signs

http://bit.ly/ihJGAl

Wealthy Couple

http://bit.ly/bo6kPQ

More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

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SydesJokes Video Clips

International Whistling Championships

http://bit.ly/iajiuC

Girlfriend From Hell

http://bit.ly/bzVtcG

Sick of Winter

http://bit.ly/jasUDE

Perfectly Male

http://bit.ly/arrhGc

X-47b

http://bit.ly/diljAU

More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html

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1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz

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