SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
7th Jan 2013 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Friday 4th January 2013:
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Shorty Awards voting opens on 7th January 2013
If you use Twitter please help by voting for me or asking your friends who use Twitter to vote for me in the following categories starting on Monday 7th January:
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http://shortyawards.com/SydesJokes?category=humour
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Joke # 1
Ice Fishing Shack #1
http://bit.ly/allxy2
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Joke # 2
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Joke # 3
Rectal exam
"Doctor, that rectal exam hurt like hell. What did you do?" asked John.
"I used two fingers." Said the doctor.
"What for?" asked John.
"I needed a second opinion."
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Joke # 4
Q: What do you do if a Frenchman throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.
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Joke # 5
Supermarket
A woman goes to the supermarket. She starts walking up and down the aisles. Each aisle she goes to she touches her head, her ears, her breasts, and her crotch. After doing this a number of times a man approaches her and ask if she is having a problem.
She tells him no. He says that he would like to know what she is doing at the beginning of each aisle. She says she is trying to remember her grocery list. He seems puzzled and asks her for an explanation. She goes through the motions saying: "One head of lettuce, 2 ears of corn, 2 breasts of chicken, and food for my pussycat."
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Joke # 6
Before marriage....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.
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Joke # 7
Word
Eight Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
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Joke # 8
Q: What do you call a geologist who doesn't hear anything?
A: Stone deaf
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Joke # 9
Unhappy son
A father found his small son looking very unhappy.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
The boy said, "I can't get along with your wife."
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Joke # 10
Little Johnny
Little Johnny's teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living.
Little Mary got up and said "my Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect."
"Great," said the teacher.
Michael got up and said " my Dad is a Doctor, and my Mom is a housewife."
"Good," said the teacher.
Johnny was last in the class and when he got up he said: "My Mommy, she is a substitute."
Knowing better about his background and always striving to correct the kids, the teacher said, "you mean she is a Prostitute."
"No," Said Johnny, "my Sister, she is the Prostitute, but when she does not feel well, my Mommy substitutes."
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Joke # 11
There Are At Least EIGHT Types Of ORGASM FOR A WOMAN.
1. The Optimist - Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Oh Yes...............
2. The Pessimist - Oh No, Oh No, Oh No.................
3. The Confused - Oh Yes, Oh No, Oh Yes, Oh No.........
4. The Traveler - Ahh, I'm coming, I'm coming..........
5. The Religious - Oh God, Oh God......................
6. The Userer - Ahh, More, More, More..................
7. The Murderer - Ahh, If you take it out, I'll kill you
8. The Submariner - Mmm...OHHH...Deeper...Deeper... GO DEEPER!!
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Joke # 12
Q: What did the teddy bear say after it ate?
A: I'm stuffed!
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Don`t Fall For It - Joe Washington`s film
http://bit.ly/dQus6l
Why English Language Is Hard To Learn
http://bit.ly/9CzSvO
Halloween Joke #1
http://bit.ly/bSL8j3
Butterfly Tattoo
http://bit.ly/jLA46u
Old Sayings...Different Twist
http://bit.ly/gnSull
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Take the Stairs
http://bit.ly/aKokZL
I've Been Everywhere Man - Texas Style
http://bit.ly/9uPAWk
Cigarette Commercial
http://bit.ly/b719Gr
Repair Windowshield Cracks
http://bit.ly/9XE8Lt
How To Dance Like A White Guy
http://bit.ly/b0DjRF
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
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2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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