SydesJokes

SydesJokes · @SydesJokes

7th Jan 2013 from Twitlonger

#Joke #Humor #LOL

[SydesJokes] Sunday 6th January 2013:

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Shorty Awards voting opens on 7th January 2013

If you use Twitter please help by voting for me or asking your friends who use Twitter to vote for me in the following categories starting on Monday 7th January:

http://shortyawards.com/SydesJokes?category=jokes
http://shortyawards.com/SydesJokes?category=humor
http://shortyawards.com/SydesJokes?category=humour

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Joke # 1

Pavement Art #3

http://bit.ly/bp9TtV

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Joke # 2

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

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Joke # 3

New Suurvey

According to a new survey, 76 percent of men said what they look for most in a woman is a sense of humor and a good personality...

This was a survey published in "Full Of Shit Magazine."

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Joke # 4

Q: How do you get your wife to scream while you are having an orgasm?
A: Call her and tell her where you are.

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Joke # 5

Doctor

The doctor was surprised to find Randy sitting on the bed holding up his middle finger and sticking out his tongue. He walked over to the nurse who was taking his vitals.

"Excuse me," said the doctor, "but why is Randy sitting like that?"

The nurse replied, "I told him that you were going to want to examine his sexual organs."

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Joke # 6

Testify

One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that it's rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.

"Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney.

Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.

Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.

"Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question."

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Joke # 7

Pet Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

"No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."

The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"

"No, what?" replied the man.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."

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Joke # 8

Q: What would happen if pigs could fly?
A: Bacon would go up.

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Joke # 9

Sorority girl

A fraternity brother confronted a junior member, telling him, "A sorority girl is running around campus telling people you have a small dick."

"Yeah?" the junior member replied. "Well, she has a big mouth."

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Joke # 10

2 blondes

Two blondes were listening to the radio when a commercial for a weight loss program came on. The woman in the ad proudly proclaimed, "I lost six inches using this product!"

Puzzled, one blonde turned to the other and asked "Why would anyone want to be shorter?"

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Joke # 11

Liquor store holdup

An elderly woman walked into a liquor store with two guns, pointed them at the shop-keeper and said "Give me six bottles of scotch whiskey, all the money in the till, and then I want you to take me into your storeroom and make love to me."

The shopkeeper got her the six bottles of scotch, emptied the money from the till into the old woman's handbag, and then went with her into the storeroom, they took off all their clothes, and made love.

In the excitement the old lady dropped the guns on the floor. The shop-keeper paused a moment, then said "Madam, could you please pick up your guns again, I'm expecting my wife to arrive any minute."

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Joke # 12

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

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SydesJokes Blog Posts

Motivational Posters 80

http://bit.ly/l63Fx7

Big Bertha

http://bit.ly/g6YW8S

iDildo

http://bit.ly/flQ91Q

Cool Way to Advertise

http://bit.ly/iHBudc

Motivational Posters 49

http://bit.ly/iKioNc

More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/

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SydesJokes Video Clips

Beer Cooler

http://bit.ly/d6OVSO

Football Gets People Talking

http://bit.ly/brwC1y

Last Rollo

http://bit.ly/bolfp8

Domino Trick

http://bit.ly/cnfMkj

Anything for Sex

http://bit.ly/ivw9S2

More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html

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Other Joke Lists

1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER

THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/

2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH

A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/

3. Cartoonery

A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/

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