SydesJokes · @SydesJokes
7th Jan 2013 from Twitlonger
#Joke #Humor #LOL
[SydesJokes] Monday 7th January 2013:
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Joke # 1
Bus Accident
http://bit.ly/cmcjNU
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Joke # 2
Confucius Says girl who marry detective must kiss dick.
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Joke # 3
Cracked vertebrae
"You seem to have a cracked vertebrae," the Emergency Room doctor told the high-school-aged boy. "What happened?"
"Well, you see," the teenager replied, "I was kissing my girl goodnight and damned if her brother didn't come out the door and step right in the middle of my back."
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Joke # 4
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
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Joke # 5
Teacher
The teacher said, "Now class, we know their are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year, so who can tell me how many seconds there are in a year?"
All the kids looked baffled by the question except Little Pauly, who raised his hand and waved it excitedly.
"Yes, Pauly, how many seconds are there in a year?" the teacher asked.
Little Pauly: "Twelve, m'am. January second, February second, March second..."
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Joke # 6
Obituaries
There was a man who, everyday, would buy a newspaper on the way to work, glance at the headline, and hand it back to the newsboy. Day after day the man would go through this routine. Finally the newsboy could not stand it and he asked the man, "Why do you always buy a paper and only look at the front page before discarding it?"
The man replied, "I am only interested in the obituaries."
"But they are on page 21. You never even unfold the newspaper."
"Young man," he said, "the son of a bitch I'm looking for will be on the front page."
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Joke # 7
Buying Monkeys
Once upon a time, in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.
The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 ! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each." The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!
Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.
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Joke # 8
Q: What did the doctor say to the witch in the hospital?
A: With any luck you'll soon be well enough to get up for a spell!
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Joke # 9
Cards
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "Can people predict the future with cards?"
"My mother can."
"Really?"
"Yup! She takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
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Joke # 10
Florist
A gentleman was lured into a busy florist shop by a large sign in the window that read, "Say It With Flowers."
"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.
"Only one?" the florist asked.
"Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words."
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Joke # 11
Costume party
A couple was going to a costume party. The husband was unsure of what costume to wear. His wife was telling him to hurry or they would be late for the party. She was walking down the stairs from the bedroom, completely naked except on her feet were a big old floppy pair of boots.
"Where is your costume?" the husband asked.
"This is it," replied his wife.
"What the hell kind of costume is that???" asked the husband.
"Why, I am going as Puss and Boots," explains the wife. "Now hurry and get your costume on."
The husband went upstairs and was back in about 2 minutes. He also was completely naked except he had a rose vase slid over his penis.
"What the hell kind of costume is that???" asked the wife.
"I am a fire alarm," he replied.
"A fire alarm?" she repeated laughing.
"Yes," he replied. "In case of fire, break the glass, pull twice, and I come."
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Joke # 12
Q: Why do men name their penises?
A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
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SydesJokes Blog Posts
Holy Shit #10
http://bit.ly/fIRMpz
Polish Barbershop
http://bit.ly/b3o99R
Elderly Biker
http://bit.ly/qy8lRT
Effect Of Alcoholic Drinks On Body
http://bit.ly/nHFE8f
Oops
http://bit.ly/llEpo1
More funny posts --> http://SydesJokes.blogspot.com/
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SydesJokes Video Clips
Exotic Animal Sex
http://bit.ly/cwwIkE
Nozzle Rage
http://bit.ly/dubUnV
Flying Penis Attack
http://bit.ly/cFGGJZ
Tortilla Chips
http://bit.ly/9rdNp4
It Looked Like A Parking Space
http://bit.ly/9LZoTW
More video clips --> http://sydesjokes.com/Category_-_Video_Clips.html
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Other Joke Lists
1. THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
THE ABSOLUTE BEST jokes, cartoons, and humor on the net! sent via email, by Martin aka the postman THE POSTMAN'S CORNER is delivered free of charge to all who ask for it! Adult humor, over 18 plz
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PostmansCorner/
2. TRAINING 2 LAUGH
A page of jokes -- NOTHING but jokes! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled departure time is 4:PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Training2Laugh/
3. Cartoonery
A PAGE of nothing but 'Toons! Sent Mon thru Fri weekly Scheduled sending time 4 PM Central Time (US) Sorry, 18 or older due to content
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cartoonery/
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