This is how #OverHypedDhoom3 was made.
Writer 1: OK, we need to write a new Dhoom movie.
So much money to be made.
Writer 2: What's there to write?
Writer 1: We signed Aamir. He likes to read scripts
and stuff.
Writer 2: But why?
Writer 1: He is a thinking actor, yaar. He asks
questions like: What's my character's backstory?
What is the existential crisis he is going through?
How is the film reflecting the socio economic
politics of disparities in the world?
Writer 2: (looks at DVD of The Dark Knight lying
around and scribbles for a minute) Okay, we begin
with the backstory. Aamir could play Joker, I mean
clown. Backstory is that he was part of the circus,
his father dies unable to pay bank loans, so he robs
banks. Banks are the villains of today. And we end
a 20-minute backstory with a great back shot of
Aamir... Remember how he worked out for Ghajini
since he couldn't do much with the script? I can
already see the teaser.
Writer 1: Aamir is a thinking actor. We need more.
Writer 2: (looks at the DVD shelf and The Prestige
DVD is asking him: Are you watching closely?)
Okay, Aamir plays a thinking clown. He can also do
magic. In fact, I can make doubly sure he won't turn
this down. I'm writing him a role where he can be a
thinking genius thief and the Taare Zameen Par kid
at the same time.
Writer 1: Krrish already has a grown up autistic kid
in a man's body.
Writer 2: Doesn't matter, boss. I saw this movie
called Tropic Thunder. Ben Stiller plays Simple Jack
in a movie within a movie. What superb acting.
Every actor wants to be Rainman and Forrest Gump
once in his life. Aamir is no exception.
Writer 1: Fine... this just when Yash Raj Films is
turning over a new leaf with good cinema! Okay,
here's an idea. Make it fully meta. Aamir should say
what we believe in. We are clowns. We entertain.
We make people believe that they are winning by
laughing at us. But we have their money. At least
the critics will understand our predicament then.
Writer 2: Okay, boss. Ditto for Uday Chopra, I
presume. He makes self- deprecatory jokes so that
the audience likes him finally?
Writer 1: We can only try. We have unleashed him
upon them thrice now. We hope he has grown on
them.
Writer 2: Bas, enough characterisation. It's a
Dhoom movie, boss. Let's talk about the bikes. We
need to do something better than The Fast and the
Furious. Something like Transformers? Picture this:
Aamir is being chased on a bike, suddenly he's
trapped on a bridge... And as he dives off the bridge
with his bike, the bike becomes a boat and then a
submarine and then a boat again and then flies out
of water and becomes a bike again.
Writer 1: Why not make a boat turn into a plane
and he flies off?
Writer 2: Don't be ridiculous, boss. Also, that's more
a Dhoom 4 idea. Audience is not ready for it yet.
Batman has done it; I don't have the DVD now. But
next film, I promise you, the thief will jump out of a
building and become a plane.
Writer 1: OK, let's go. Time for meeting with Aamir.
Writer 2: We haven't written anything for Abhishek
or Katrina yet.
Writer 1: Have already briefed Vaibhavi on how to
present Katrina. She said we can do a family
friendly striptease for one song and a circus act for
another, one romantic duet with Aamir and one
Dhoom song for end credits.
Writer 2: And Abhishek?
Writer 1: No time for that... I'll give him sunglasses.
(It is learnt that Abhishek insisted on using all the
fake moustaches and beards he had to add
character)
Later at the meeting:
Aamir: So do I get caught by Jai and Ali? John and
Hrithik preferred to leap to death if I remember
right.
Writer 1: What would you rather do?
Aamir (thinks): Hmmm! (Looks at the cheque in
hand) OK then, let's Dhoom!

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