Since so many people have asked. Here is my official statement about pulling out of the 50 Shades of Grey movie.

The sex tweets, the death threats, the sheer volume of tweets in Spanish directed at me; it has been wild ride but one that sadly has to come to an end.

As you may have read I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to do the part justice. And by that I mean I was worried that fans wouldn’t like the movie, and then hunt me down, toying with me, letting me run thinking I could escape, before finally mobbing me and tearing the flesh from my bones in tiny sexy chunks.

I could have done it with proper preparation but, as with any movie based on S&M erotica that was originally Twilight fan-fiction, the source material must be given proper consideration and I just don’t have the time. Reading! Acting! Being a 24hr Sex God! Surely you can all see how that wouldn’t have been possible? I am, after all, only one man. The personification of raw sex appeal, sure, but still just a man.

If the book had been a lady and reading was sending smouldering looks then it would have been easy. But we all know that that isn’t how it works. At least until Amazon invents it. Jeff Bezos and I are in talks at the moment.

Preparing to be a sexy billionaire has been tough. I mean have you seen the Forbes list? I spent some time with Larry Page but we just ended playing a lot of Magic: The Gathering. No sex dungeons in the Page household.

Finally, I worry about being typecast as a sex god. Sex ghost, sex hobbit and sex ninja are all roles I’d like to explore and being cast as Christian Grey might have limited me. So if you have any sex ninja stories based on Hunger Games fan-fiction then please let me know. Try to write your message in English. I can’t speak Spanish.

So, to summarise, I am not the Christian Grey you’re looking for. Please don’t kill me.

PS. If your mom lives in Kansas or Oklahoma she’s been tweeting me some pretty racy stuff. I think she’s lonely. Give her a call.