thisbedottie

Dottie · @thisbedottie

10th Oct 2014 from TwitLonger

Last Words RE: Sam Pepper


On the 23rd of September I released a video on my YouTube channel informing viewers of an experience I had with Sam Pepper that took place two years ago after a meet and greet in November of 2012. My video "A Cautionary Tale" was uploaded in the midst of an internet uproar over his latest "prank" video. After the video went live the valid question was raised of why I chose to upload my tale two years later and not after it happened.

With the use of a quote from J.K Rowling at the beginning of my video I suggest that I believe people have both good and bad in them. Since 2012 through Sam's positive interaction with our mutual friends I saw that he is not exempt from this. After the "date" I unfollowed him and his closer friends on all social networks meaning I had been unaware of any uploads he made in the following two years. I had been told by friends that he had changed for the better and I believed it. After I saw the video through a tweet remarking on it's inappropriate nature I looked through his recent uploads containing videos where he lassos women and prompts them to kiss him. These were evidence enough that he had not changed as much as I had hoped. The other reason I didn't say anything publicly prior to his "prank" was that, as I state in my video, It took me almost a year of being in the YouTube community and being in the same position of trust as he had been when it came to my own subscribers, albeit on a smaller scale, to realise that I was taken advantage of.

I put serious consideration into the after affects of uploading a video containing a story such as mine and consulted many YouTube friends leading to the upload to ensure I was doing the right thing. The positives consisted of warning fans and potential victims of his previous actions. The negative effects would be any backlash I would received for denouncing someone with a large following at such a teetering point of his YouTube career. It was only when I was put in contact with an ex friend of Sam, who distanced themselves from him because of Sam's bad treatment of girls, that I decided I had a responsibility to come forward with my story.

In the cinema I felt pressured and was made to feel extremely uncomfortable. During the date Sam repeatedly placed his hands on intimate parts of my body and pulled my hands onto parts of his body where I did not want them. I retracted my hands each time and rejected his advances by moving them away from where he was attempting to touch me. After we left the cinema Sam sprinted out of the complex and around a corner. I walked after him thinking it was a joke that I just didn't understand but, I was wrong. That was him making his escape. As I walked back to the bus stop feeling extremely embarrassed that it had gone so badly I sent him the message "you are horrible." to which he replied "you shouldn't have tried to trick me then." his reply is what I consider to be the most offensive part of what happened because he'd made me feel guilty. He'd made me feel as if saying no was the wrong thing to do and that that was why he wasn't being nice to me anymore.. because I had refused.

In the comments of my video it has become apparent that people believe his advances in the cinema were warranted as it is seen as a natural move after kissing. His actions in the cinema were not the main issue, unfortunately it is something I have experienced with other people and I know is a common occurrence amongst my female friends at parties etc. What I believed was wrong was the fact that I was his fan when he was making those advances, the fact that he couldn't see fit to treat me politely after I refused him, the fact that he was 23 and I was 16. Whilst 16 is the legal age of consent in the UK, I did not give my consent and that was the issue.

Since the video far too many girls have come forward and said that they too had had experiences similar to and worse than mine with Sam. I say "far too many" because for anyone to be able to say truthfully that they were treated in a worse way by the same man is scary but the fact that there are multiple people is terrifying. Part of the reason I made the video was to warn others against his actions but it has evolved into wanting to remind you that if someone treats you in a way that leaves you feeling unsure or sad or hurt then you have the right to call them out on it. If something makes you uncomfortable you can say no. If someone ignores your rejection and continues their advances that is not only cruel but illegal. It is your body.

Unfortunately many girls have been afraid to come out publicly with their stories or anonymously report to the police which I respect entirely but it makes me sad. The scariest part of a sexual offence shouldn't be the fear of other people's reactions to your experience or judgment of you. My own experience can be filed as a police report but, due to it's minor nature nothing would come of it, it's now up to the other girls to tell the police of their much worse experiences in order for any legal action to take place against Sam. This will be the last time I recount my own story but I will never stop the conversation about abuse in the YouTube community. I didn't have the knowledge to see that what was happening to me was wrong, I can't let anyone else make the same mistake.

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