My Story. I've included everything I can possibly remember.


I'm going to do my best to talk about everything that happened last year – the mistakes I made, the very real hurt that I did cause to people, and everything that followed that. I've stayed silent about this for a long time because I honestly didn't know how to handle it. I never sent anyone after anyone, never gave any commands of any kind – all I did was ask people around me why people were blocking me. So, this is everything stated as plainly as I remember it, receipts where I have them. Everything I can possibly remember about the interactions I had with these folks laid out. Trust victims, but verify – do your own research. If, after this, you still don't agree with what I've done, how I've handled it, and cannot support me – then don't. I understand.

Let me first respond to some of the accusations made. @JadedSynic, @freelancefae, @ayrenthewolf, @acxavenka and more are trying to frame it like I was preying on a teen. I dated a 19 year old when I was 32, and it was a mistake. Sam, the 19 year old in question, and I got close during the first six or so months I started streaming. The relationship was toxic, and I'm not trying to absolve myself of any hurt I caused. I have very few receipts for this, unfortunately, as they are long blocked from any way of contacting me again. Dating someone that young with that much of an age difference, it requires a ton of communication. I failed in that, and I caused them hurt.

I never wanted anything but to be there, be open, and to let Sam find their way into a stable foundation of a relationship – I wanted it to last, and I believed we were on the same page. What the people who are currently accusing me of preying on Sam won't tell you is that we were all a part of this community, no one voiced dissent in it – to the point that JadedSynic as well as @w_edge, a brother figure in Sam's life, said it was a good idea. That we made a cute couple. Sam went so far as to tell their mother about me and their therapist, and they told me their therapist thought it was a good idea and to go for it. The only voice of dissent was Robin, my partner of 10 years, who said it was a bad idea because it could turn toxic quickly – they were right.

So, I asked them out, and they said they were kind of hoping to be the one to ask me out – I backpedaled hard since no one had ever done that with me before. So, I waited, and eventually we had a conversation where they told me they couldn't ask me out – that they were scared and felt like this was all too much to handle, that they loved me but were afraid of hurting me. I cried, it was a hard conversation, but I figured that was it. They called me back and asked me out. I said yes. JadedSynic would later tell me that they talked with Sam and convinced Sam to give me a chance and ask me out.

I fought tooth and nail for open communication with someone who was shutting down on me, trying to give them everything they asked of me, whether it was being sweet when they were feeling kinda detached, space when they asked for it – anything. At the end, when I asked if they were still happy with me, they said they weren't but didn't want to break up with me because it would hurt me. So, I broke up with them and tried to remain friends. The friendship was an attempt to find a stable place for us to be friends, both of us sometimes mentioning how we missed the other person, and it finally concluded in me getting admittedly a little passive aggressive. Attached in the thread is the last three days worth of conversations I had with Sam.


JadedSynic has been touting around their partner Lynn for having severe anxiety and how I, through my actions, made it significantly worse. I honestly don't know how. I started dating both Lynn and JadedSynic at the same time – a triad. They were cute, they were sweet, and I was flirty. I told them I liked them, and we started dating. I asked several people, including Lynn, how to talk to them on anything more than a superficial level. Oftentimes, we would have days of nothing but sending a heart and a hug emote or headpat emote. This wasn't enough of a connection for me, so I would talk and try to open up and things like that. I didn't want to break up with them – I liked them, they were sweet, I didn't want to hurt them, and quite frankly I was scared of JadedSynic at this point. Attached are several randomly taken screenshots from discord of the nature of Lynn and mine's relationship. Also included is the last conversation we had and the conversation we had one week prior to hopefully give context to it.

I honestly don't know what happened with Ayrenthewolf. A few weeks, maybe a month before twitch con, we were on great speaking terms. We spoke nearly every morning they woke up (I was still awake), they told me at one point “we're probably going to end up dating,” and we were confidants. One morning, she asked for some space, I told her no problem, and a week or so passed. I reached out, asked if we were okay, and she was pretty guarded. I asked if she would prefer to be the one to reach out to me, she said yes, and I told her that I was happy to help however she needed. The Saturday of Twitch Con, I remember getting a message from her while I was ubering my way to the convention hall. She asked if I'd messaged her and deleted it since apparently she had a notification, I hadn't and told her I hadn't, and that was the last time I spoke with her. She had blocked me a few days after I got home when all of this started.

These are not my stories to tell, but I am aware of at least two people who have come to me and confided in me about Ayrenthewolf. To quote one, who I'm not going to name, “you know people who Leah abused that have kept quiet about it.” I know they have been wanting to tell their story but are scared to.

JadedSynic has made a campaign out of telling half truths, spreading rumors, and trying to ruin my career as a twitch streamer. We started dating when Lynn and I started dating, and things deteriorated quickly. We made the agreement, the three of us, that it would be very light and casual, that I didn't know if I could really take on another relationship at that point. It accelerated two, maybe three weeks in when Jade messaged me, saying she was at the end of her rope, that she was thinking of doing something terrible, and she needed me to tell me I loved her. I panicked and I did, this was a mistake on my part. I got scared of Jade after the first time she yelled at me, and I started unconsciously distancing myself from her. Whenever we would talk, I would always feel like she was trying to one-up me on everything, to appear better than me. When I'd bring this up to her, she'd roughly say that she wasn't doing that, I was the one doing that. The last time she yelled at me, she sent me an audio file to listen to in the middle of stream – my work – and when I asked if we could talk about it later, she demanded nearly an hour of my work time to talk about it. She would also often try to convince me to stop working on growing my channel but focus on the success I have and be happy with it.

I roomed with Jade at Twitch Con and tried to be as polite as I could. I was offered by one of our other roommates to make things less awkward and ask Jade to find another place to stay, but I didn't want to be a bitch and screw over someone else. I just tried to stay away from them as much as I could without being rude about it, even when they hung around me and my date at the Big Gay Beach Party bar event the last night of Twitch Con. It was told to me later that Jade had apparently spent the entire car ride over there complaining about but not naming me directly. The last night we were there, someone called me freaking out about not being able to find their phone. They had my number I'd jokingly written on a card for them and a house phone from where they were staying. I tried to figure out how I could help in the best way I could, and Jade sat there with constant “give me the phone.” When Jade mentioned they knew a mutual of the freaking out person, I caved and gave them the phone. When the conversation ended, Jade looked at me and said with contempt “there, that wasn't so hard, was it?”

We had it out – I screamed, she screamed, I cried, she cried. That was the first time she accused me of abusing Sam, the first I'd heard of it, and she did it by saying “I could've told everyone in public that you abused Sam.” We left for the airport together, we tried to have a cordial friendship, and that lasted until Jade sent me a message after Lynn cut ties with me to never respond or message her (Jade) again, that she hates me, and that she hopes I painfully burn in hell for eternity.

I have never heard a concrete accusation about me, only vague accusations of abuse. I have had people come back to me saying they, on their own accord, “investigated” into accusations and into any proof that I've done anything I've been accused of, and they have told me they were never given anything from the offended parties. These parties are welcome to come forward and talk about it if they'd like.

I've attached a lot to this. I've attached interactions with Sam and Lynn, and I've included screenshots of Jade claiming people need to believe her and that she has no proof, her, in a DM that was forwarded to me, saying in January how badly she wants to actually kill me, and messages from another member of a community. The final message comes from a community I've been removed from because the streamer, who wishes to remain unnamed, said “Jade has been abusive to me and I'm frankly scared of her.” One of their community members are featured in our conversation last night.

This isn't about justice for Jade, this is about hurting me. I am sorry for any pain I caused her by not giving her the attention she wanted, but Jade has made it a mission to destroy me. The closest thing I've ever done to acting maliciously is being passive aggressive to Sam once, my very last message to them. To say that I ever acted with the intent to use someone or harm them is wrong.

To those who got to the end: Thank you. I've had multiple people just cut ties with me without even talking with me – either a simple goodbye or nothing at all. I appreciate your willingness to listen. I'm not perfect, I'm very flawed. I understand and am ashamed for hurting those that I did last year.

To those I hurt: I'm sorry I hurt you, truly. Consequence means more than intent, and, while my intent was to never hurt you, I did, and I'm sorry. I wish you only happiness, health, and safety. I sincerely hope I never hurt anyone the way I hurt you.

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