Puppeh · @PuppehSSB
1st Jul 2020 from TwitLonger
My experience with Cinnpie
Throughout the entire summer of 2016 I had a sexual relationship with Cinnpie (Cinnamon as she was known as during that time). She was 24 and I was only 14 during my experiences. I was manipulated, used, and sexualized.
My entire life I loved competing in smash and when I was 14 that was pretty much all I did. I could only travel to the big tournaments (Xanadu, The Cave, Fantastic Smash) during the summer since they were on weekdays and I had school. Since I was 14 and couldn’t drive or anything, I would end up carpooling up to these tournaments. My friends and I would do it on a weekly basis and would travel up to the further away weeklies on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.
Cinnamon and I were really good friends with each other at the time from traveling to locals together so much and we ended up liking each other a lot. Sometime before the summer of 2016 Cinnamon initiated sexual conversations on snapchat with me and I would respond but I never truly knew if anything would come of it. Cinnamon and I would DM on Facebook and snapchat (her accounts on both are deleted currently and have been for a while) on a daily basis. The first sexual thing that happened between the two of us happened one night after we got back from one of the tournaments we traveled up to. After the tourney we went to the place we were staying at and once we got there everyone started playing smash and then Mario party after. People started drinking once we got back which happened regularly once we would reach where ever we would be staying for the night, but I would never drink myself. Something crazy ended up happening in the game we were playing and since I was a hyper kid I ran into the hallway towards the bathroom away from the main room we were all playing in as like a joke pop off. Cinnamon, who was pretty drunk at the time, then ran after me and tackled me to the ground and started to make out with me while laying on top of me. That incident probably happened for about 15-20 seconds and then after we just went back and kept playing. I was pretty much just in shock the entire time it was happening. I wasn’t really opposed to it though since I was 14 at the time and I liked her a lot. We spent basically every week together during that summer so that on top of the sexual things we would do made me start to develop pretty strong feelings towards her. That was one of many times I had a sexual experience with her, but I’m not going to go into details about every single time since some of them are a blur in my mind and I only remember probably 3 or 4 times vividly. We would usually sleep together most nights after the first incident happened and we would kiss a lot and cuddle during those nights. Our sexual relationship escalated as far as oral sex, but never as far as sexual intercourse. Our pseudo relationship lasted pretty much the entire summer and she played with my head so often during that time and it still really fucks with me to this day. I truly believe most of my mental issues stem from that summer and how she treated me. She would tell me things like “we can get together when you are 18”. She would make me periodically delete our Facebook messages and would constantly remind me that I couldn’t tell ANYONE (Even though that was obvious to me.) She would consistently gaslight me and make me question myself all the time while I was only 14 and still trying to find myself as a person. Not being able to tell anyone about my experiences ate away at me constantly. Having to see her after this period hurt me a lot and would consistently distract me at tournaments. I would have to play her in doubles tournaments on a weekly basis pretty much and she would be teaming with her boyfriend during those times. That would especially hurt me. I was super bitter about the whole thing and would BM every set in doubles I played vs them (You can still find youtube sets of me doing this at old smash 4 weeklies.) I never knew how to process these emotions at the time. I honestly still struggle to try and understand them to this day.
I could write for hours about my countless experiences during that summer but that would make this insanely long. My reason for writing this is so I can hopefully be at peace with my experiences finally. I’m so tired of having to be silent for years and years now, and I’m tired of hurting over it. I’m not looking for revenge or anything like I would’ve been back then when I was petty and immature. I am writing this in hopes to simply just be at peace with myself and move on from this period of my life. I have been depressed for so long in major part due to that summer. I’m tired of hurting over this and being afraid to speak out. I’ve lost many hours of sleep over this situation, writing this, and the thought of releasing this. If you’ve made it this far thank you for reading.