KazooieGirl · @KazooieGirl
20th Nov 2020 from TwitLonger
Good Bye, Twitch ☹
Hello everyone.
This is going to be what I consider the most difficult announcement I've ever made in my life. I'm sure some people have noticed I deleted all my previous content & haven't been posting on my social media pages.
I've been streaming for over 7 years now on Twitch. No where else, just Twitch.
7 years is a long time. I started out how most streamers do, as a hobby. Eventually my community grew & my love for them grew as well. Everyday I would be so excited to stream, it became a full time thing for me.
We had some great moments. Things like getting partnered while I was on the toilet, throwing a cake in my sister's face, embarrassing myself while accidentally stepping on a box of donuts while doing the DK rap, the entire Glover playthrough, forming online friendships with fellow streamers and viewers, baking hideously bad cakes for celebration streams, playing online games like insanely savage Jackbox rap battles, Mario Kart races, Animal Crossing fashion shows & hide & seek, etc. & too many more good times to name to name.
But with every great moment comes bad moments. Although it may not have seemed to be the case on stream, it was very apparent offline.
Video games, my deepest passion, has become a job for me. Whether you want to call streaming a job/career or not, it truly felt like one. When you take something you love & are forced to do it, that passion dies out. Days off were my time away from video games which I didn't know I was signing up for. When I did take days off while I was supposed to stream, I was letting everyone down. I still am amazed at how much I've become part of so many people's daily schedule, and can't thank you all enough for that. The pressure that came along with streaming so that you would fulfill other's needs of entertainment or even just make their days better, really took a toll on me.
I really want to stress how much streaming for not just me, but for others as well, takes a toll on a person's health. It affected me so much mentally & physically. I suffer from clinical depression, and unfortunately streaming has contributed negatively to it. Along with the pressure, streaming is a competition. Those numbers on your screen can determine your self-worth. I felt like a failure most days. An embarrassment. Not that I wasn't grateful for my community because I appreciate and love you all so much, but it's something most people can't ignore. This also formed me into an anxious person constantly, and it showed on stream. But it wasn't all just mental health for me.
As most of you know, I suffer from epilepsy, a neurological condition which makes you prone to seizures at any time. What is one the first things you see when you look at a video game? "Seizure warning". I've always been responsible when it came to playing games and my condition, but a lot of the times I pushed my boundaries way too far because of the pressure.
Streaming has simply caused me a great deal of stress from pressure, thinking "what's wrong with me?", & not taking care of myself when it came to something that could be fatal to myself. And health wise, it's time to take care of myself.
People grow and change. But unfortunately not just people, Twitch & the gaming community as well. I want to make it clear as I said earlier that the pressure to stream really got to me, but I always knew you all understood whenever I wasn't able to stream which I appreciate so dearly. As I mentioned earlier, I've been on this platform for 7 years. Twitch is no longer the place I fell in love with. It is no longer my home, but a foreign concept to me. It feels like high school all over again where everyone wants to be popular. The large streamers are the cool kids, and so much drama that outsiders feed off of. People need to acknowledge that although these streamers may get caught in the deep end sometimes, we are people. Now that it is so mainstream, streamers can be viewed as celebrities. It is not just the feeling of people hanging out anymore, but a mainstream platform full of toxicity. Money hungry people in the form of some streamers and Twitch themselves lately. Unfortunately I found myself under that category. I was becoming a streamer for all the wrong reasons some days. It felt so incredibly wrong essentially begging for money whether in the form of donation goals (which you all know I hate), subathons, and more from my viewers. It just felt disgusting because my community felt like a family to me. I really admire those who purely do it for fun & playing whatever they want, whenever they want. And hope I can be there some day, but some day is not today. It's not just Twitch, it's social media in general. Unfortunately with Twitch, you grow through other platforms like Twitter & Instagram. I've always hated using social media. Likes and follow count never meant anything to me as a person. I never need it for reassurance & validation, but it was something I had to do for my career. And I need to get away from it since it is such a negative place. I need it for my health as I think a lot of people feel the same way for themselves when it comes to modern internet culture.
I was going on 19 years old when I started my streaming "career". I am now a grown woman. I feel as though my life has been put on hold since it's very rare a streamer can be set for life financially when it comes to pursuing this lifestyle. I have been struggling financially the past couple years now that I'm an adult. But now I am the happiest I've been in a long time. I am no longer cooped in a shell that is the internet. I feel like an adult. I feel free.
Do I regret streaming? Absolutely not. I have met some great people on Twitch, and I want to thank you all. Thank you to my mods who have always helped me out on and off stream. Thank you to my best friends that I've met through Twitch, Cody, Nick/Fifi, Alyssa, and DailyDove (my artist, check her out) who helped me out & supported me while making this decision. And most importantly, thank you to my entire community. I would not be even close to the person I am today without you. You've shown me how much people truly care for me in my darkest of times. I'm a much more confident & helped me power through social anxiety in my everyday life. You've helped not just myself, but so many others in the community even if it was just to put a smile on their face on a bad day. I truly can't believe how a bunch of random people through a screen can impact someone so deeply in a positive way.
I assume you all know what this announcement is about now even though I never really said the full words. And with that, I am saying good bye. This is my retirement message. Is this forever? Time will tell. You may see me online once in a blue moon to catch up. I plan on maybe doing some study streams. I will still have the Discord open as I still enjoy everyone's company & will be active in there. But for now, I just want you all to remember to stay sexy. And if you say "But Kazooie, I'm not sexy to begin with.". You, my friend, are sexy because you have a butt, and butts are sexy.